baby etiquette.

Let me begin today’s post by saying:
I am not a superficial jerk.

OK….now that we have that out of the way…let’s talk about babies.  If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning you may remember me talking about my dislike of babies.  

Now wait….before you go and write me off as a cold, heartless baby hater let me explain.  I think that babies are cute to look at, but they totally stress me out.  All they do is eat, sleep, poop and cry….and cry….and cry…. The worst part is that they can’t tell you what’s wrong.  I’m a preschool teacher and I pretty much love kids age 2 and up because they can talk and you can rationalize with them.  I’m hoping my baby sense kicks in once I have my own, because I really do want to have babies.  Everyone says it will, but I still have my doubts.  Craig may have to be the stay-at-home dad until the kids are old enough to talk and then we’ll swap :).

Anyway…today I saw the most beautiful baby ever at my work.  I was walking past the infant room and he stopped me dead in my tracks.  I even stopped into the room to coo at him for a bit and I NEVER step foot in the infant room.  This got me thinking about what my baby will look like when I have one.  I wonder if it will be pretty like these babies?  




Or it it’s going to be one of those awkward looking babies that make you say “Oh! ….that’s…. a baby.”  You know the ones I mean.  I actually googled “ugly babies” to show examples, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, because I know that all babies are cute in their own way and I also didn’t want people to think I was a completely superficial jerk (I promise I’m not). 

Now I know that not all children come out of the womb looking like beautiful GAP children


or like celebrity babies….
like Halle Berry’s baby Nahla

or Suri Cruise

But still….

I might be a little sad if I have a really unfortunate looking child.  I’m not sure if I’d rather be  lied to about it or not.  If my baby is awkward would I rather have people lie and say he/she is cute or just say nothing?  Hmmmm…. what’s the baby etiquette on this one?

Not sure…just felt like a rant today.  Feel free to share your input…and hopefully you don’t think I’m a complete jerk.

Hope you have a good Thursday!

xo
{Lauren}

Comments

  1. Let me just say: You are definitely not alone. Babies are adorable… but only if they’re someone else’s. My parents are hoping I’ll change my mind but right now, I’m stuck at the do-not-like-babies stage. I do have to say though, Suri Cruise is one of the cutest babies in the history of babies. No kidding.

  2. I totally understand this! Nobody wants her baby to be ugly… I hope my baby will be cute and beautiful..but who knows… maybe even if it’s ugly, you as the mother think it’s the most beautiful baby in the world…

  3. Ohh Siri Cruise is beautiful isn’t she?!

    I love babies, I can’t wait to have one of my own. I can’t speak from personal experience, but I can say that your own baby will need you and love you more than anything else ever could, and I think that’s amazing. Giving complete devoted love back to something so vulnerable must be one of the most fulfilling aspects of being human, whether its face is a little red and squiffy or not.

    After all, I don’t consider myself to be as beautiful as many other people, and I was no Siri Cruise as a baby, but my parents love despite this, and that has made me who I am – how amazing is that?!

  4. Don’t worry, babies make me nervous too! I was nervous to hold my cousin’s new born. And he completely felt my nerves because he started crying right away. The thing I don’t like is that they can’t support themselves; their necks are weak. If babies could sit up, all would be well! hah.

    The tale I’ve heard is that if you have a really beautiful baby, they grow up to be ugly… and if your baby is unfortunate looking, they grow up to be beautiful. Don’t know if there’s any truth to that.

  5. I’ll be honest, I don’t see why everyone says that babies are cute. I really don’t. I get that small children can be cute from time to time but babies? I don’t see it.

    For this reason I can’t really say what the etiquette should be. I just don’t say anything and I just smile awkwardly and try to find ways to say that no, I’d rather not hold the baby and everything.

  6. I didn’t like babies either. Until I had my own. Actually, I still don’t like other people’s babies very much, but at least I get them now. Having your own is truly an entirely different ballgame. Even if they’re a little silly-looking, you will adore every little bit of them. And believe it or not, you’ll figure out how to understand their cries too. What sound means hungry vs. tired vs. not feeling well. And ALL babies start out looking like little old men. You’re right that they start getting cute about a year later. Okay, there’s my own rant! 🙂

  7. HAHA! This made me laugh, i always wonder….do parent’s of ugly babies actually know that their baby is ugly or are they blind to it, thinking they have the most beautiful baby ever????

  8. Ahh yes babies weird me out a little also. I enjoy kids that can respond when I talk to them. When people bring babies in to work I’m the only one who does not shreek with joy and run towards them to take a turn holding them. I just don’t know what to do with babies.

  9. I can SO relate to this post, because everyone around me is having babies right now and it’s freaking me out – do I want one? When? What will it look like? I have so many questions and concerns, because right now I don’t know if I would be able to handle a screaming baby. AND – I always wonder what its going to look like. I just might be the person who makes her husband morph our photos together on baby websites to anticipate what our child will look like (hangs head in shame)…

  10. Babies make me nervous. I figure it’s because I’ve never been around them much and the only babysitting I did was for older children. I just don’t have a ton of experience with them and therefore I don’t want to handle them now and make some crazy mistake. I’m hoping it gets better when I have my own babies!

  11. HAHAHAHA!! I love this 🙂 I myself don’t have any children yet, but I’m super excited to have them. Like you, I do hope my babies are cute (and healthy of course). I think the proper etiquette around an ugly baby is to say “awww, she’s so precious.” Precious is neutral. LOL

  12. Let me start this comment by saying upfront that I am an extreme baby-lover. I work in a NICU … you pretty much have to be a baby-lover to work there. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of not-cute babies. Babies who are deformed in some way, who have too big or too small heads, or who are totally normal but just… not cute. And I’m telling you, no matter what, it doesn’t matter. Those mamas of those babies think that they’re baby is beautiful in spite of everything. And no matter what your baby looks like … I think you will too 🙂

  13. Awww. I know a girl who is not a baby person. If you hand her a baby, she awkwardly will hold it for about ten seconds and then say, “Here, you want it back?” haha
    She is great however with my preschool-age kids. It takes all kinds to make a world go round. Now we just have to find people that are “teenager people.” That’s the life form that scares me most right now.
    And what April said is so true. When my second child was born, I thought he was the most precious and beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I was also high on drugs and relieved that he was no longer continuing to get stuck in the birth canal. Months later I was perusing his baby pictures and thought to myself, “I don’t remember him being that unfortunate looking!”
    Of course, he’s now the kids I always get compliments on – “He has the most beautiful face.” etc. It all works out.
    Have a great day!

  14. It’s impossible for me to think you’re a jerk for having this opinion when I feel the exact same way. I even wrote my own blog about it last year: http://islandofreality.blogspot.com/2009/07/its-broken.html.

    Maybe I’m a little more of a jerk, though, because the thought of babies that turn into kids still kinda turns me off. But perhaps I can win points back since I’ve recently had a breakthrough that makes me think that one day I might actually go through with the whole kid thing. Yikes!

  15. Babies make me nervous, although teens scare me. I know that I was a basket case in high school and a total witch to my mom, and I’m so afraid I’ll get that back ten fold when I have kids!

    But, the other day, Ravi and I had just visited a friends house whose baby had just turned 3 months and he’s adorable! On the way home, I asked if he thought we’d have cute kids, and he said that he had no doubts! I however have many doubts! Will they get his unibrow? Will they get my horrible unpredictable skin? I’m hoping they get his skin and my body hair count ratio…

    I think everyone has these fears! It’s only natural! But i agree that I don’t know if I’d want to be told or not!

  16. Err…. *ahem*… am I the only one who has noticed that freshly newborn babies can sometimes be downright ugly? All wrinkled and puffy and squinty? Splotchy red and whathave you? I mean how can it not look like that after being cramped in the womb for 9 mos? If you were cramped in there, you wouldn’t come out looking dresh as a daisy now, would you? *enforcing a strong invisible shield around myself in case somebody wants to hurl something at me now* They do grow into their skin and are usually very cute from that point on. Like maybe 3 days to a week after birth, they start looking cute.

    I’m not saying EVERY baby. But SOME.

  17. You will think YOUR baby is the cutest ever. Plus all of them look a little funny the first month or so, but they’ll grow into their face 🙂

  18. definitely say its cute! when you have your own baby you will want people to say its cute 🙂

    PS your mom-sense will TOTALLY kick in! You have nothing to worry about. I once was told if a baby is crying, always respond to it because its their only way of affecting their little world..and it usually means of a few things…”i need food”, “my diaper is poopy”, “im tired and i can’t fall asleep”, “my teeth hurt”, or “hold me”!

    piece of cake. And yes…your children will be mexicanly beautiful!

  19. This was the funniest thing Ive read on the Internet in I dont know how long. I taught pre-k all of last year and I know what you mean entirely. They are so much better when they can talk (this of course comes with drawbacks…i had a 4 year old explain transvestites to me once) and especially when they can go to the bathroom on their own, accidents aside.
    I think all babies are kind of squidgy and ugly for the first few weeks, and then they cute-out. And if they aren’t cute, I just do one of those high pitched enthusiastic “OH LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE FEET” and say something obvious so I dont have to lie or say “UGLY BABY ALERT!”
    I think when you have your own kid its cute no matter what. Plus, according to moms I know, the whol crying thing gets easier to figure out after awhile…like how dogs have certain barks for wanting food and sensing danger. Yes, I compare infants to dogs.
    Sorry for the novel.

  20. I feel the same way about babies. My dog is a handful, a baby would be 10X harder.
    I’m sure you will have lovely babies.

  21. wahahahaha
    you know we all think these things, just no one says it. my friends & I talk about it all the time so maybe we are superficial but seriously everyone knows life is easier for pretty people & don’t we want the best for our maybe-someday-future-kiddos?
    I am totally planning on a c-section some day some my baby will have a perfect head. {and I weigh 90 lbs & am the size of a 7th grader}
    props to you for being legit on the wonky looking baby worries we all have!

  22. p.s. my cousin & his wife have 5 babies and they are all absolutely beautiful children. so maybe i can just borrow one of theirs 🙂

  23. Everyone in Josh’s family admits it when they have ugly babies. I love it. I wish everyone did that.

  24. hahaha I am with ya on that! I still don’t like babies but once you have your own its ALL different! 🙂

  25. I am NOT a baby person, but I had my son 6 weeks ago and even I have managed to get past the annoyances of changing a stinky diaper and the screechy colic bout in the middle of the night – because he just so happens to be the most beautiful baby boy ever. That being said – I know there are people out there who would disagree. Everyone thinks their own babies are the cutest, whether they are or not – and I’ve definitely seen some straight-up UGLY babies touted as ‘adorable’ and ‘gorgeous’. It does make you wonder: what happened to that part of a person’s brain??

  26. I fully know what you mean about this. A lot of babies kinda look funky when are first born until their eye color starts to develop more. My sister in law said she thought God was punishing her with an ugly baby…but she turned into a really cute baby. I really want a baby with hair, I think they’re so much cuter. I’m not one to really coo at babies either, but there’s something sweet about a baby falling asleep on you.

  27. They actually had a women talking about this on Dr. Phil (I typically don’t watch this show but my Grandma does so there I was watching it) and the women said she didn’t think babies where cute and was scared of babies but once she had her own it was all good and she thought it was beautiful, and even Dr. Phil for weeks avoided his baby but it grew on him, so worse case it will take you a couple weeks.

  28. I never was too much of a baby person but when you are pregnant with your own it’s totally different. Nine months of learning all about your baby developing every little piece of it’s teeny body makes you realize it truly is a miracle and you grow to love it before you even know what it looks like. This is good because in the first few days most babies look like wrinkled old men but they do get cuter as the days pass and you see them start to do things on their own.

    Not that I’m superficial either, but I think a lot of it has to do with the way people dress their babies as well…if a baby is wearing a onesie that says “Daddy’s Little Slugger” or “Little Princess” on it, I for some reason think the baby isn’t that cute because I can’t get past the stupid onesie. However, if I see a kid in an outfit that reflects their parent’s style or it’s just plain and simple I tend to think the baby is cuter for some reason. Girls seem to have more leeway in this area in my brain. I’m not sure if any of that made sense! 🙂

  29. I COMPLETELY AGREE! except, I can’t even do the talking thing. something about the way little youngsters are always looking around to see if anyone is paying attention; or the way that they don’t listen to you because your not their mom – things like that. about 5 to 12 i just do not like. they just rub me the wrong way.

    by the way, i was an ugly baby. my parent’s don’t believe me but I WAS! all fat and pink like some nasty overweight person who has too much blood and was just surprised. i don’t know. i was just an ugly baby. (thank goodness i got cuter!)

  30. Im so glad I’m not the only one who worries about one day having ugly babies!!

  31. i will NEVER think you’re a superficial jerk because i feel the same way about babies. i mean, what am i supposed to do with it? i tell chris all the time i’d bee 100% ready to start a family if i could just get a 2 year old and skip all that gumming, slobbering, crying for no reason stage!

    as pretty as you are, it’s nearly impossible for you to have an ugly baby, but i really hope that if my baby isn’t cute someone will tell me. i don’t want to be in a trance thinking i have the next baby model when really they’re one of those babies that looks like an 80 year old man.

    okay, i ranted a little, too. sorry!

    XO, soon-to-be mom of a beautiful baby!

  32. Hi Lauren!
    You are not alone…as you can tell by all the comments! I have NEVER been a baby person and still after having my own baby (who of course I think is the cutest thing on earth!) am NOT a baby person. I also look at other babies and think cute or ugly – it’s awful I know. And unless a baby is absolutely to-die-for gorgeous (like the one you saw today) I just don’t say anything.

    Recently, a new Mom (like me) told me my baby was so cute. I felt so bad later because I didn’t reciprocate the comment to her on her baby. Because he isn’t cute. Unfortunately I have no skills at lying and being complimentary…I should probably work on that. 🙂

    P.S. not all babies cry all the time…mine cries so little that I really never learned her cries

  33. I’m totally with you on this, they are no fun until they reach the age of 2 and can do a bit more. My hubby usually says I like crying babies, because that means someone is usually coming to get them!
    Have a nice weekend.

  34. ohmygoodness i know what you mean! i actually just blogged about this post and directed people here (sarahloudesign.blogspot.com) because you made me laugh so hard. and then i went and googled “ugly babies” and (dare i say it?) laughed harder. you aren’t superficial… i’m betting most of us feel the same way.

    love your blog by the way – i always want to do your fill in the blank friday but never get around to it in time!

  35. I never really liked a baby until my sister had her son… then suddenly there was this baby who I couldn’t get enough of. I could just stare at him for hours and watch him take in the world around him. There was something about him – probably b/c he was as close as possible to being my own child – that was utterly fascinating. Now I have my own baby and I’ll be honest – sometimes it’s fascinating and sometimes it’s boring. I was never really excited about having kids and I’m still learning all the good things about having one. The thing is, the amazing moments make up for every moment of doubt. One smile from him clears away absolutely anything else that may have gone wrong that day. That kind of power in such a tiny being is really amazing.

  36. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    oh my god! you did not!
    just kidding!
    love this post!
    i dont hold babies that are UGLY hahaha jk
    b
    xo
    love you lady!

  37. Thank you for this post! I can understand it completely. Even though I myself want kids someday in the hopefully not to distant future, I am not looking forward to the newborn phase. I kinda wish they could be born full grown toddlers already. Walking and talking — not to mention going to the bathroom! — on their own.

  38. i think all babies are beautiful… no matter how ‘ugly’ they are, they are precious in God’s eyes and a total gift. and babies are easy… when they cry, put them on the tit, change their diaper or burp them… all they need is love. crying, sleeping and pooping is easy… it’s the tantrums, name calling and attitudes of the older children that is hard. trust me, i know… having a two year old, five year old and teenager pretty much makes me an expert 😉

    and in answer to your question – yes, all moms think that their babies are beautiful… even if they know that their child isn’t beautiful in the worlds eyes… that child is the most beautiful thing in the eyes of the mother.
    and really, do looks really matter anyway? no. not. at. all.
    raise your child the best you can, show them love and teach them to love others and most of all, teach them about Jesus and His love for us and others. that’s what matters… not the looks. 🙂

    you and craig will be great parents, i know it!
    love ya.

    xo. thanks.
    xo. thanks.

  39. oh my goodness your post made me laugh… A LOT! I’m the opposite of you, I’m totally in for being the stay at home mom until the kid is a teen. I can’t quite picture myself tolerating them, even though know it’s not THAT bad. I hope.

    oh I also just have to add that after reading your post I totally googled “ugly babies” and I still think the chubbiest babies are the cutest.

  40. You are NOT a superficial jerk. Because, if you are, then I am, too. 🙂

    Not only do I not like babies, but I don’t like children. I actually find half of the kids whose photo you posted NOT cute. At all. I have never liked children and I probably never will.

    My daughter, on the other hand, I adooore. I want at least 2-3 more children and LOVE being a Mom.

    It doesn’t make sense, but it does. 🙂

  41. Ha! Lauren I admire you for writing this!
    And jeez I mean…I’m like you. All babies are great or whatever, but I honestly don’t think they’re all beautiful. I will love it if it’s mine, but I don’t think I’ll be blind. And they totally stress me out too! Babysitting a baby-baby is the worst ever! Ha ha I just freak out and have no patience, it just cries and cries, like you said, and doesn’t want me at all!

    Anyway, your openness is great. You’re not heartless!

  42. Honest post! i like it! I love babies, but yes, just like adults, there are pretty babies and the not so pretty. That’s life for ya.

    xo

  43. haha, you are not a jerk! i often think about what my kids look like and worry about the possibility of having an “unfortunate looking” baby. and i also am not a baby person. i think they are adorable of course but i don’t know what to do with them! i bet our motherly instincts will kick in once we have some of our own.

  44. The little girl in pigtails and cute dress is the most adorable girl I have ever seen.

    You are certainly not a superficial jerk…some people just don’t get along with babies but you never know until you have your own.

    I fear that I won’t be patience with a baby. I seriously hope my motherly instinct will kick in instantly.

  45. I’m thinking Lauren + Craig = gorgeous baby!!

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