How To Make Mom Friends Without Being Super Awkward: Part 1

I have a lot of mom friends. I know that sounds really obnoxious and show-off-y, like “I’m SO cool! Of course I would have a ton of friends!”, but I really don’t mean it that way. It’s just the truth. I know that I’m very “lucky” to be surrounded by so many wonderful women who I get to do mamahood with but honestly I really don’t think “luck” has a lot to do with it. I think it really comes down to putting yourself out there and being intentional in forming friendships. The reason I know this to be true is because for years I had very few/no girl friends.

During my formative years I craved girl friendships, but after a string of failed ones with mean girls and the trail of gossip, cattiness and destruction they left in their wake, I decided to steer clear. I didn’t trust girls. So I had a bunch of guy friends instead. During high school I could often be found hanging out with a group of boys and though there was sometimes an errant girl friend here or there, there weren’t really many worth noting and I rarely invested much time into them. Past experience had taught me that girls would only hurt you…and spread rumors about you/make your life miserable and who needed that?

Fast forward to my senior year of college. Through a series of events, I transferred schools and my housing options were: A) Live in the dorms as a senior (no way, no day). B) Find a random roommate on Craigslist to get an apartment with (no thanks. been there done that, got the three-month-old moldy dishes in the sink as a souvenir). C) Move into a co-op house with 50 other girls. Despite my ambivalence, I reluctantly went with option C. While I dreaded the experience in the beginning, it actually turned out to be one of the most formative experiences of my life and a big reason why is because it was there that I learned how to make friends with girls.

Initially I was clueless. I had no idea what girls did to hang out together, so I decided to study my roommates. They happened to be super into scrapbooking, so I decided to give it a whirl. It was the beginning of some wonderful friendships, although my scrapbooking career was short-lived. Apparently I actually hate scrapbooking, so there’s that. BUT, in the end and despite all my awkwardness, I finally learned how to make friends with other girls and it is a life skill that has served me well – especially as I’ve forged friendships into adulthood with other mamas.

I’d considered writing a post about making mom friends for awhile now, but didn’t really feel like much of an expert or anything. Honestly, on the inside I still feel like that awkward college girl fumbling my way through it all. But, recently one of my friends confessed to feeling so awkward when it came to making friends and noted how easily it seemed to come for me and how good I was at small talk. I was actually a bit taken aback, because I kind of dread small talk and I don’t feel like it comes easily, but I figured that apparently I must be doing something right and maybe it was worth sharing some things that I consider to be helpful in making friends with other moms. I actually found that once I started brainstorming I had quite a few things to say, so in the interest of brevity and increasing the likelihood that you would actually read my advice, I would divide this topic up into a three-part series. Part 1 (today) is: How to FIND Mom Friends. Part 2 will be: How to TALK TO Mom Friends. Part 3 is: How to SCORE A DATE (and subsequent dates) With Mom Friends.

How to Make Mom Friends Without Being Awkward // Part 1 of a 3 Part Series @ The Little Things We Do

Honestly, making friends with moms isn’t all that different from making friends with non-moms, but thanks to all of our mama insecurities it still seems extra intimidating. So here you go…sharing what I’ve got. Here is part 1: How to FIND mom friends.

How to FIND Mom Friends:

How to Make Mom Friends Without Being Awkward // Part 1 of a 3 Part Series @ The Little Things We Do

1. Go to the right places

It stands to reason that you probably won’t make new friends if you stay home all the time. I do realize that infants sleep a lot, which means that many-a-day is spent navigating the wonderful world that is naptime scheduling. It’s hard. I know. But, you’ve just gotta do it. Get out of the house and hit up all the best mama spots. Parks, children’s museums, the zoo, local kid events…these are all the obvious places where kids and their moms go to hang – so get there! I also highly recommend giving mom’s groups a shot. I go to one and have really enjoyed it. Every week there’s a different speaker and we all group back together afterward to talk about it and share our thoughts. There’s nothing like bonding over shared parenting hopes and fears to bond you with other moms. Also…church, temples, synagogues. A shared faith means you instantly have two things in common including kids. Breaking down walls over here people!

2. Show ’em what you’re working with

When you do go out, put forward the best version of yourself. If casual is your thing, then rock it, but if you love a good bright lip for day time, then you rock it like it’s no one’s business. I’m not saying you should “fake it” by any means. The kind of mom friends you want are the kind that will love you even when you’re schlepping around in day-3 yoga pants, gnarly bed head, and dark under eye circles like whoa. That said, it’s not exactly a great first impression.

3. Get off your phone

Just as you won’t make any new friends by sitting at home by yourself, you also won’t make many by going out to the park and commencing to spend the entire time puttering around on your phone. Get your face out of your phone and smile a little…throw out a witty quip about the park you’re at. I don’t know…just be you…without your eyes glued on a phone. People on their phones aren’t very approachable. It’s science. I know checking your e-mail or Instagram is an easy coping mechanism when you’re feeling uncomfortable, but resist the urge. You can do it!

4. Don’t knock internet friends ’til you try ’em

I like to think of Instagram as OK Cupid for moms. Oh wait…isn’t OK Cupid kind of a creepy dating site? I’m sort of out-of-the-loop concerning such things, but I digress. Basically, IG is a great way to get a feel for a mama before committing to a friendship. You get a sneak peek into each other’s lives, sense of humor, etc. and then if you seem to connect well online you can take the relationship to the next level by proposing a casual IRL (in real life) play date. And don’t worry…kids are the most perfect wingmen of all time. They are great buffers for conversation lulls (“Oh hey! I’ll just start cooing at my baby and avoid this potentially awkward silence!”) and if you’re just not feeling it, you can always use them as an excuse to duck out early (*Yawn* “Gee! It’s getting really close to naptime! Guess we better start heading home!” Honestly, half of my mama friends started out as online friends via blogging and/or IG. Usually there was a mutual friend connection, which really helps. I know it might seem weird if you’re new to the whole internet friend thing, but don’t worry…it’s not.

So, now that we’ve talked about where to find these untapped mom friend treasures, I wanna hear what you guys think? Do you have any other tips for where to find mama friends? I’d love to hear if there are things I missed! And check back tomorrow for Part 2 of the series: How to TALK TO Mom Friends.

Love,

Lauren

Comments

  1. I’m really out going and I am used to having many friends. But we moved across the country to a new base over 2 years ago and I haven’t found that here. This area is much different than I’m used to, everyone seems obsessed with money and shopping. I’m a crunchy home school mom. I tried for awhile but got burned by a crazy group of military wives that make life difficult for a ton of women here. I retreated. Recently I decided I just really need friends. I’ve met moms at parks, chick fil a, etc. If I notice that our kids get along really well- I boldly pass along my number/email. I’ve done this a few times, they always act surprised and happy. And I never hear from them again :/
    This weekend I’m getting away with our women’s group at church.
    Looking forward to this series!

  2. Love it! I’ve noticed as I grew older that, post-marriage, we started losing touch with friends little by little, either by their moving away, due to friends’ divorces, and our desire not to hit up bars ’til 2am (we love low-key hangouts). By the time we became parents, life became so structured (and we’re admittedly in an area with little opportunity for easy meet-ups; gotta drive 30 minutes one-way most if the time so everything is planned in advance), it got even tougher.

    But, now that our little guy is practically a big boy, we ALL need some more socialization. The funny thing is that most of the moms I gravitate to are women I’ve never met on FB, friends of friends.

    Anyhoo, the point is that I totally get why gals need this series and I can’t wait to read the rest! 😉

Trackbacks

  1. […] now that you know where to find yourself mamas for your future tribe (see yesterday’s post), let’s discuss how to talk to […]

  2. […] so now you are equipped for How to FIND Mom Friends and you know How to TALK TO Mom Friends, but none of that really matters unless you can figure […]

  3. […] How to make mom friends without being super awkward. […]

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