You Will Never Be This Loved Again

“You will never be this loved again. So on those days when you are feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love.” – AK

You Will Never Be This Loved Again //  via The Little Things We Do

As I lay in my bed under the weight of the warm covers, I can just barely see the beginnings of early morning light pouring through the cracks in my bedroom curtains. It is silent in my house and as I lay there planning out the writing work I need to accomplish before my kids wake up, I hear the sound I had been dreading… the metal clatter of a door knob being twisted by little hands and then a *creeeak* as the door opens. Thump, thump, thump as little footsteps come racing down the hall toward my bedroom and then the faint whimpers of a baby brother who has just been woken up by his big sister and is beginning to stir. I sigh a big sigh as she jumps in my bed and I silently mourn the unrequited plans I had made for early morning accomplishments as she snuggles herself under the blankets next to me. I find myself agitated and annoyed that my plans were dashed, but then she looks at me with big brown eyes and a halo of curly frizz and says, “Mommy, I missed you while I was sleeping!” Suddenly my frustration melts away. I kiss her on the forehead and together we go get brother and bring him back to bed to snuggle with us. As we lay there indulging in morning silliness and lots of slobbery open-mouthed baby kisses, I think of that quote above…

“You will never be this loved again.”

The same basic scenario plays out all day long with only slight shifts in details. I can’t tell you how many times a day feelings of disappointment and frustration crop up in my mind surrounding motherhood. Some days it feels nearly impossible to complete the tasks I need and want to accomplish. This parenting business isn’t easy. It is demanding and exhausting and some days I honestly question why I ever thought I could possibly handle it, because at least 51% of time time I feel like I am failing at this mothering thing. It’s hard and it will continue to be hard every single day. Some days it feels like my children won’t ever leave me alone and more than anything else in the world I just need a break…like for two minutes. “Is it too much to ask for you to stop climbing on me and reaching your arms out for me and wanting to play and read ALL THE BOOKS for just two minutes?” I lament internally.

But, the fact that my children need me and want me? It’s kind of beautiful – exhausting, but beautiful. The fact that my children need and want me so much right now – because they genuinely believe that the sun rises and sets with me – is a kind of overwhelming love that I often find myself ill-equipped to appreciate. I am truly the center of their little universes and in their minds I am the mostly lovely person they know. As tiring as the weight of this love can feel at times, I am trying to remind myself that this is a special kind of love that not everyone will get to experience in their lifetime. I will never be this loved again.

Of course my parents and my husband love me with an incredibly deep love, but there is nothing quite like the love a young child has for their parents…mamas in particularly. It is my hope and prayer that I will have a good relationship with my children as they get older and that they will still want to be around me, but the fact remains, their love for me will never be so all-encompassing as it is right now. They won’t be so excited to see me first thing in the morning. They won’t long for my attention and approval as they lark about the kitchen.

This time is kind of magical. It’s OK to feel frustrated and overwhelmed sometimes and it’s OK to not cherish every moment, but I’m really trying to remind myself that this beautiful season flies by at the speed of light. I will never be this loved again, so I’m trying to remember to soak it up from time to time.

Comments

  1. Thank you for this. My four month old is in a phase where he won’t go to sleep unless I’m laying with him snuggled up close to me. Sometimes it’s frustrating not being able to, you know, move. But I know it will only last for a little while and I’ll miss it when he no longer wants to be that close to Mama.

  2. thank you! Your writings on parenthood always come at the exact moment I need to hear it. It may be because our kids are only a couple of weeks apart from each other, but it is so welcomed!! Thank you for seemingly always being there with your writing to validate my feelings and remind me of what’s important right NOW.

  3. Thank you! I need to hear (read) this from time to time. I’m truly loved by my 3yo and 11mo and it is exhausting sometimes. What you say is so true… 🙂

  4. I felt like I was failing many times and for the past months, i can’t tell you how many b/c i honestly don’t remember, every time I put my son to sleep he says: thank you mama for the food, for playing, for the toys, for the books, etc. etc. That’s when I say: i must be doing something right here 🙂
    I have a 3 1/2 year old, a 1 year old and one of the way and I’m amazed at their love for us, especially moms. I think that phrase is so true, b/c whatever happens when they grow up we will never be loved like this again and it kinda sucks 🙁 but what a great feeling, now, to know we’re so loved 🙂

  5. thereisnotasound says:

    Thanks Lauren!! I definitely have to keep reminding myself this again and again. But it’s so true! My 2 month old wouldn’t nap anywhere but in an Ergo and my 2 and a half year old wants to play with me ALL the time. I’m not even attempting to be a superwoman so there is quite a lot of TV time on our household now. But hey, he loves me even more for the fact that I let him watch tv. And in the meantime I can keep bouncing around the house with my 2 month old as close to me as he wants to be in the ergo.

  6. jessica says:

    This is the best, most real blog I have read in ages! Ilove your truthfulness! There is a bittersweet reality to parenting. Parenting can be bitter on us mamas because we are utterly exhausted but then comes their sweetness. That sweet baby smell with the sweet voice calling your name.
    I too pray that I will have a good relationship with my daughter while she is growing into a little lady. Ihave been told time and time again that daughters always hate their mothers when they are teenagers and that would just break my heart!
    The love I have for my daughter and the love my daughter gives to me is the most love I know I will ever feel.

  7. Britney says:

    I needed this today (and tomorrow & probably again next week..) so thank you!!!

  8. Thank you. Both for the reminder to appreciate the all encompassing love and for admitting that we all forget to do so sometimes.

  9. Emily M says:

    Thanks for this. It’s such a good reminder and I’m going to try my best to keep it in mind too 🙂 Even as my 3 year old is staying up waaay past his bedtime and my 1 year old is climbing my leg in her desperation to be picked up for the umpteenth time. We’ll miss these times when they’re gone.

  10. marsia marvin says:

    Thanks Lauren, it really hits me now that I’m feeling worn out with my super-sticky-20months son.. So I just bookmark this page as a gentle reminder everytime I’m feeling crazy…

  11. beautiful post (as tears come streaming down my face); just the one line “You will never be this loved again.” struck me like lightning. I didn’t have to read on, I knew exactly what it was about and that it was something a parent would instantly get.

    thank u.

  12. What a wonderful reminder! I have triplet three year old daughters and a six month old son, and I am loved beyond my wildest imagination! At times it can feel confining but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

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  1. This You Are Loved

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