Portland is kind of a paradox, because while there are some incredibly stylish people here, the majority of people pretty much live in Columbia fleeces, jeans and t-shirts in their downtime. You can even get away with wearing yoga pants or sweats out in public with little to no stares or judgement.
I’ll admit….I’m guilty of wearing my yoga pants outside the gym, but I try to keep it only to times when I happen to be heading to the grocery store straight from the gym or if I’m sick. But even though I may not be wearing yoga pants or a matchy-matchy sweat suits on date night I’ve definitely been guilty of slacking in the fashion department lately. Sweatshirts and jeans have pretty much become my go-to over the past couple of months, unless we’re actually going out somewhere.
Well….I’ve started feeling a bit guilty about this. Shouldn’t I be dressing up to look pretty for my husband even more than I do for other people? Doesn’t he deserve to see me in something other than sweatshirts and yoga pants right when I walk in the front door after work?
I first started feeling guilty while reading this post over at Have A Cute Day. Kjrsten talks about how a little bit of effort goes a long way, and I started wondering how Craig feels about my current “uniform” of choice.
This book is basically about how men think. Of course there are some generalizations, but overall it really opened my eyes to a lot of things I’d never realized before the first time I read it. As I read the book I asked Craig questions about certain topics as I read about them and we had a lot of great conversations. After I read it he actually told me he was glad I did because he felt like I was able to understand him better.
There’s a chapter in the book called “The Truth About The Way You Look”. It basically talks about how because men are more visual outer appearance do matter to them. Of course your man will love you just as much in sweats but that doesn’t mean that’s what he wants you to wear ALL the time. This chapter offended some of my friends who read the book, but I wondered if maybe it was just because it hit a little too close to home and they didn’t want to be honest with themselves about this.
I’m not married but living with the boyfriend and having him see me 24/7 can sometimes be a challenge. Of course I like to dress up but there are days where I just don’t feel like getting out of pajamas, I will however always pull my hair into a sleek pony and add a little blush. That’s the minimum. He likes when I’m casual and also my “funky lizzy style” as he’s deemed it, or bohemian skirts and sandals in the summer. Overall I know that he won’t love me any more less based on what I wear but I do feel more attractive and better about myself when I make the effort. Also I think how often one is schlumping is key, is it every day, only on sundays, once a month? If it’s a habit then it needs quick fixing!
I believe that the husband will love you no matter how you dress but wouldn’t it be nice to put some effort for yourself? I dress not to impress the husband but to feel good about myself. xoxo
i’ve been in a fashion rut too and i’ve been living in my yoga pants. so much that i’ve actually bought more :/ oh no! i definitely am guilty of not dressing up sometimes just because it’s me and my boy. but! i really love dressing up for him so i usually get all cute to see him but he doesn’t seem to mind either way. i definitely feel better about myself though if i actually do my hair/makeup and put on a cute outfit!
xo tiffany
ps: i’m thinkin i need to read those books. i don’t find it too harsh. i think it’s true.
I think most of us would do what you do – there’s nothing better than being comfortable in what you’re wearing, especially when you’re with someone who adores you how you are. In saying that, I think it can be easy to fall into the ‘that’s easy so it’ll do’ trap – I may have to get me a copy of that book!
I absolutely agree with you, I spend my days in sweats now that Im at home and my boyfriend doesn’t speak, poor, but I know he doesn’t really like it, some other times he has said so. But I spend all day alone so getting dressed for when he comes is just too tiring to be honest… I’ll have to reconsider, my mum has always told me that even when at home I should take care of myself, for me and for him… yikes! you wouldn’t want to see me right now, I actually don’t want to see myself in the mirror right now…
Im going to get dressed now…
I used to frump it up a lot.. my typical “uniform” was one of my boyfriend’s t-shirts & usually jean shorts or jeans. In the past couple months I’ve began trying harder though because of that exact reason, I wanted to look nice for him. I feel better about myself now, but still revert to the t-shirt uniform once in a while ;D
Personally, I feel that the only women who should get offended by this post are the ones who look schluppy for their husbands and don’t want to put forth the effort to change. I mean, if a man is willing to swear before God and everybody that he is willing to love you through good and bad until the day he dies, he deserves to get a little bit of effort in the looks department… However, this needs to be reciprocated on his part!
girl you hit stuff right on the head with this. josh and i have this convo all the time and he knows im a softy haha so he always prepares me by saying “you know ill love you any way you look” but we should try really hard to impress each other when we’re married. which is totally true! i really do think (this may be harsh) but the reason so many divorces happen is beacuse peopel get so comfortable they quit trying to impress, and then you see other people all dolled up, its hard! that all probably made no sense because im still asleep haha but great post hun, i agree:)
I actually thought about that myself, about how I should be dressing up for my husband when we’re at home instead of being lazy and in pjs or unshowered most of the time. I’ve been making more of an effort to dress in normal clothes even while I’m home all day (house wife here!) and put on some makeup because it makes me feel prettier and I want to look pretty for my husband.
My husband doesn’t care (really, he doesn’t) if I’m in pjs around him and he always tells me I’m beautiful so I don’t feel pressured to dress up or put on some makeup, it just makes me want to do that myself even more. I think that’s important too because it’s not like guys are dressing up when they’re home—women shouldn’t have to feel pressured to always be well dressed and groomed even in their own home or afraid their husband might look elsewhere. That just doesn’t seem right.
I love this post! I have been in a jeans a sweatshirt/yoga pants rut too for a bit and i know for me i feel less confident if i am not put together and i know for my man he says he could care less and still grabs my ass in yoga pants but i can tell the difference when i take the time to be more put together, he really loves it and deserves it i think and so do we as women! we should feel sexy all the time even if its just cute shoes of mascara! thanks for the great post.
Ugh. I am so guilty. Because I’m not working and we don’t have a lot of extra money I don’t go out that much. Which means that, generally, I spend my days in PJs, pull my hair into a ponytail and wear no makeup.
I really need to get out of this rut. And soon!
I loved this post! Thank you so much for writing it! I often feel guilty about not taking time to make myself more presentable, or even doing more “wifely kindnesses” around the house. But that’s where my personal struggle comes in. My husband isn’t your typical guy when it comes to feminine appearance. For example, he would much rather come home to clean laundry, a cooked meal, and vacuumed floors than a dolled up wife. Yet I know that’s not how many other men are.
I think it is SO important for women to know their partners and where they place value and what strikes them as beautiful and meaningful, and then be in tune to that so they can utilize that in their expressions of love.
Great post!
This is an incredible post. Incredible. I actually have wanted to read that book, for women only for some time now, especially since i’m in a relationship with the man i one day soon hope to marry. i’m so happy and so encouraged that you’re more concerned with what’s true rather than what’s politically correct. i don’t know if you read the bible or any of that, but what’s true is exactly how He wants us to see things. we have a certain place as women and feminists just want to fight that. anyway, i think you should definitely surprise him some days! my friend chelsea over at usthreebirds.blogspot.com actually posted about this a month ago or so. how just doing your hair and putting a little makeup on and a skirt instead of yoga pants really does the trick! it’s not as hard as it sounds. and have fun with it! i think all men care, no matter what they may say. i’m so happy about this!
also, i’m hosting my first giveaway ever over at my blog! be sure to check it out!
xoxox
someone once told me to dress like im starring in the movie of my own life. i really like that because it reminds me to be completely myself and to remember Who and what im representing, while still looking the best i can for that day. i dont always succeed, but it definitely helps.
I’m very guitly of this. I’ve just recently tried to get out of the habit of bumming it when it’s just me and the husband. He says he doesnt care but I’m pretty sure he’d rather come home to a pretty wife than one in PJs and a pony tail. One thing I’m doing to get out of my fashion rut is buy a few key peices that I can switch around and that are easy to accessorize. A button up mens style shirt, a boyfriend tank, a cute necklace. Just an idea!!
I loved For Women Only! My mom bought it for me right before I got married. Really interesting and hit home the fact that men and women are so different.
I’m definitely guilty of occasionally “schlumping” around Jeremy. (watching Mad Men, wearing one of his T’s and a green face mask!) Most of the time, I try to look nice. Not always wearing a face of makeup, but at least looking fresh.
Personally, when I look fresh, I feel better and in turn am more enjoyable to be around aka much better wife! 🙂
I’m guilty, but I’m also aware. The Bf leaves for work before I do and gets home after… If I don’t make the effort to stay in my nice clothes he would never see my in anything but comfies. So I make the effort, sometimes, and I can tell he appreciates it.
Hehe this post is VERY appropriate! I’ve been sitting in the house for what feels like weeks, and I don’t see much point in dirtying nice clothes so I have nothing to wear when I come out of this essay hub!
SO – I am currently wearing the bottoms shown in this picture:
http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/da/david-and-goliath-peas-on-earth-pyjama-set.gif
combined with a HUGE wooly jumper that used to be my Mum’s. My hair is greasy and clipped back, and I have no moisturiser on so my skin is horribly crispy. Added to the mix, I’m also going through my monthly spotty-phase.
BEAUTIFUL!
My bf is coming over later, and if I have time I’ll most definitely make the effort to look a little nicer. But I know that he thinks I look cute like this – he knows that I wouldn’t dress like this in front of anyone else, and I think he relishes the thought of him being the only one to know this scruffy side of me.
I hope so anyway! At least he SAYS I look cute…!
A great post – I’m looking forward to reading what everyone else thinks!
(maybe I’ll go and get dressed properly now…)
i guess you could say i am guilty of this! it is so much different than dating.. being married that is.. it’s like when you are dating you dress to impress.. i actually showered all the time, in case we would be cuddling and what not. not i obviously don’t shower enough. i feel bad. i could definitely step it up a notch for him!
i may have to read that book that you read! sounds interesting! sean is not a man of many words.. i mean he does talk a lot but not always about how he is feeling so maybe it would help us both out if i read it!
loved this post girl.
p.s. thank you so much for your sweet comment today. you are amazing. seriously, i can’t tell you how blessed i have been by our friendship. you are so amazing and i am so glad we have “met”. i need to stop letting life get in the way of talking with you more! i am so sorry for that! i love you tons though. thanks for being such a great friend to me. you are incredible.
have a fabulous day lo!! 🙂
I like dressing nice for myself and my family. Ya, I have a laid back style a little off the beaten path sometimes, but I still try to look put together. 🙂 I don’t think I’ve worn sweatpants/yogapants in public ever unless I was walking to my car from the gym of course.
What I think is funny is that guys are supposedly visually engaged, yet they NEVER remember what you are wearing. haha. Not to mention if you ask them what you should wear, they normally pick out some frumpy pants and a T-shirt. I think it’s comical. 🙂
oh yes ma’am im guilty. why do women seem to dress more for other women than themselves? I am guilty. I wanna make my hubby think im sexy.
i like that i can be comfortable and go around the house make-up less and in pjs most of the time (: but i am quite particular about looking good and keeping up with the grooming so i can make my other half proud (: plus i like getting all prettied up anyway so it’s all good (: xo
I definitely have days when I throw on jeans and a hoodie, but I still try to do a little something to jazz it up. I’ll do my makeup a little differently, try a hairstyle, or wear jewelry (something I normally limit to my engagement/wedding ring and a long necklace). I want to look nice for my husband, of course, but it also helps me to feel better! When he notices that I’ve done something a bit different and comments, it makes me want to keep doing it!
HAH! I’ll take both books please. I think it’s great/funny. The meanest things are usually spot on. I would never want Alan to get use to me looking like a slob. When I’m not up against a deadline, I like getting dolled up because I want him to be proud of me. I want to be proud of myself. It’s not fun looking like a slob with your head down.
Bebos, kel
LOVE this post…I can truly relate!! lol After being with my husband for 6 years before we were actually married it makes “dressing up” for him really hard. Especially when he tells me that I’m beautiful in the morning when I look my absolute worst! lol It makes me think “I dont have to get all dressed up, he thinks Im pretty anyways”…OOPS! lol…I am so guilty of this!!
-Dasha
I usually get home about 20 minutes before my boyfriend does and if I’m looking to get laid, I’ll change into something cute… but mostly I just stick to a quick glance in the mirror to tame any flyaways from the bike ride home.
I gave that little book to my sister on her hen night… it’s hilarious isn’t it! About getting your husbands pipe ready and not bothering him with what you’ve been up to when HE’S the one that’s had the busy day… love it!
Love this post! Seattle is the same way… it’s easy to wear yoga or outdoor clothes all day, especially if the majority of the people outside are doing the same. I’ve also been working on trying to amp up my outfits, not just for my partner, but to feel better and make my day a little brighter.
hmmm this post gets me thinking.. i think i will start a convo with hubby on this topic. because i have definitely been sporting the sweatpants quite a bit latey.. hadn’t even thought about what he thinks about it. thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Hi, I just had this same conversation with my man a few days ago. I feel like I have kind of “given up” in the fashion dept, which is a bit depressing and certainly not the way I was when we first met and got married.
It’s a shame, because all of my kids are in cute fashionable clothes every day, and here their mom is, possibly wearing the same jeans she wore the day before! (gasp!)
so I am trying to make a change. thanks for the reminder!
i loved this post. it kept me interested and i agree with much of what you’re saying (if not all of it).
my mom and my grandma have both always dressed impeccably, regardless of the situation. they get up early and do their hair and makeup and they make sure they’re presentable and appealing for their husbands. I think its sweet and sort of a silent way of saying “I love you” every morning. 🙂
have a great day!
i’m a total schlump!! ugh. it comes from my days as an athlete but I haven’t figured out how to change yet. its a slow process but I’m working on it. my boyfriend does, however, tell me he likes me better when I don’t have a lot of make up on — but he REALLY likes me to do my hair.
I will say this however – if he wants to go 3 weeks without shaving his face (he is not the kind of guy who can grow a nice sexy scruffy beard — its rather sparse), then I can go 3 weeks without straightening my hair.
ya know?
It’s a good thing my husband thinks I look cute in PJs.
Interesting. I’ve been with my Husband for 21 years, scince i was 16. He was my first and only Boyfriend. I totally get what you’re saying. Although there will be a lot of people that give it the ‘well if he loves me it dosn’t matter what i wear on the outside, it’s whats on the inside that counts’ attitude, I think that although it would be good if this were true, i cant help feeling that if you don’t want to dress up a bit and be ‘cute’ for your partner to get a nice reaction then maybe you are with the wrong person!?.
I have slobby days. After my third 9 hour day at the shop on my feet, and i slept over at a disabled ladies house last night, i’m sitting here in my ‘comfys’. But i do like to keep the cuteness going, so tonight i’ve got my jeweeled hair grips in. & the mascaras still on 🙂
I have that little book, my parents bought it for xmas & my husband got the blue one, do you know i havent even read it! will have to get it off the bookshelf!
I don’t dress up for the husb, I dress up for myself! And if I want to walk around the house in my glasses and yoga pants, I do that for myself too.
I like to think I know when it’s acceptable to dress down. Most of the time, I’m a little dressed up because I’m a fashion junkie though.
And why is there a double standard, that women have to dress to impress their husbands? Why doesn’t the husband clean up for the wife, too? I encourage my husband to put a little effort in his appearance too.
(sorry if I repeated anyone’s thoughts, I didn’t get a chance to read them all)
Flora
My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and even though I am 8 1/2 months pregnant, I make it a point to look nice for Tim… He doesn’t ask it of me, or say anything if I wear yoga pants around the house all day, but I WANT to look nice for him. I want him to think I look cute when he comes home from work, even if we’re just heading to the grocery store – I can throw on some cute jeans and a tee shirt, at the very least!
Totally agree with you:) I always try and “freshen” up before Race gets home from work! I want him to know I want to look good for him and I know he notices because he’s the most “wordy” and observant guy ever! I remember a story he told me about a girl at his high school (Westside, small school) who got a bf at another school and she went from looking good to frumpy at school. He said she just wore sweats and stopped wearing makeup and he thought it was annoying she “stopped caring” around everyone but her bf! haha I personally don’t like lounger wear that much and looove doing makeup so I guess that helps.. but I never want to gain a ton of weight or stop trying to look good when I have kids because I think it wouldn’t be very loving or respectful to Race!
I can’t picture you being in a fashion rut though.. you always look so cute whenever I see you and inspire me! I do love zip up hooded sweatshirts and own a few too many..
Race and I were thinking it might be fun to go stay with you guys at the Grand Lodge Mcmens or Edgefield sometime.. it’s like 50 a night for a queen room and you share a bathroom with people so that’s why we thought it’d be fun to do it with people we know!
Hope you’re having a great day!
This is so hard. When you have to dress up all day at work it’s hard not to come home and go straight for the yoga pants. And especially in the pacific north west (i live in eugene) where it is really easy to go everywhere in jeans and tea shirts. I try to pick lounge clothes that are still sexy and cute but also comfortable. I am a big fan of short cute cotten shorts to wear around the house or fitted black cotten pants that are a little more shapely. I where comfy but still fitted and cute tanks and teas with those and since my hair and make up is still done for work i still look cute. If it’s a day i didn’t have to dress up i usually stay in my nice jeans and shirt until before bed and then i change. when we go out together i always try to look pretty even if it is jeans and converse i still try to wear a nice shirt and jewlery and make up.
i was telling chris about this post of yours, and he said he likes when i wear tees and sweats. maybe he’s the exception, or maybe he’s just lying, i’m not sure.
portland is still better than rustburg, even with all the fleeces because around here it’s all youth league baseball and nascar tees! i only WISH they’d cover that stuff up with a fleece!
I love this post lauren!
We should treat our bodies how we treat our houses, just because we purchase them doesn’;t mean we should let them go to pot (just because we got married doesn’t mean we should quit the upkeep!) We like to take care of our homes and keep them clean and looking good and updated. as our bodies house our spirits-souls-self-whathaveyou we should be treating it the same way!
I would love to get my hands on that 1913 book too! I am sure there are some gems in there that are both ridiculous and also still true today! While I am grateful for the feminist movement, I think some people have it backwards. Just because we are equal to men doesn’t make us the same as them, we are still different, we are still feminine and we need to treat ourselves as such! I think that being a woman and showing it is actually empowering!
thanks for this post Lauren!
XO
I love wearing my north face fleece with a white tee shirt and a pair of jeans … this is my go to outfit and sometimes well pretty frequently I will wear my fleece with yoga pants etc… I do schlump but Marc doesn’t mind … however, he does notice when I get all dolled up. I figure it is all about balance. Sweet hugs Lauren. xo
i just wanted to say that i really admire how you are able to post about something potentially controversial & give your views in a really inviting, conversation-starting way. a lot of times i shy away from writing about some things because i’m afraid of offending someone (even if my mom is the only one who reads it ;)). i just think your blog is amazing & you have such a gift.
i’m not married, but i did live with my ex for 3 years. i was by no means a high maintenance gal, but i also did not want to get stuck in that same rut of throwing off my work clothes and throwing on sweatpants when i got home. a little effort really isn’t hard and does go a long way. even if we were just going to get pizza and i had a tshirt and jeans on i’d slap on a little mascara and lipgloss and a cuter pair of shoes. i never wanted him to be embarrassed to be seen with me. plus if your dolled up at home it usually makes him want to “tackle” you more lol. that’s always fun.
I really really needed this. Being in a school its easy for me to just throw on a pair of skinnies, a v-neck, my go to necklace and sandals and be done with it. But reading this has made me realize that doing something different every once in a while will definitely help. Thanks for this!
oh gosh, i’m the same way! i think maybe it’s easier to get stuck in a fashion rut in cooler climates or when it’s exam crunch time…at least it’s been my experience so far. but i just saw this movie The Edge of Love and it inspired me…i love all the floral dresses and wellies…would be just right with portland weather!
you always have the cutest clothes and prefect layering style! i def think it’s good to make it a point to get dressed both for bf and myself 🙂
i hope you’re having a wonderful tuesday!
Thanks for this, Lauren!
I was not offended at all. It’s something I’ve thought about- and I’m only engaged, not living with him yet.
For me it’s tough because Thomas is, of course, “a visual male”, so (in his words) the way I look tells him a lot about how to think of me that particular day.
He actually hates dresses and heels and lipstick and such. Sometimes I want to “feel girly” and wear those types of things- usually just to church- and he doesn’t say anything about it.
But when I wear jeans and a tshirt, he LOVES it.
My thing is to remember to not get too lazy about that, though. He likes me looking good, still. Just not in a dress. So that DOESN’T mean workout clothes. It means nicely-fitting “every day” stuff.
Anyway, thanks for writing about something that is such a big part of my life!
I love that book – it seems a little cliche at times but for the most part it is stuffed with good info! It’s so funny that you reread it recently, because about 2 weeks ago I picked it up off the bookshelf and started rereading it again too…
I’ve come a long way from my jeans and tee 24/7 days, and I always feel better about myself when I take time to look the way I want, and when I feel good, my husband can tell and he loves it. I know the way I feel affects my attitude – if I feel icky I’m usually not in a good mood. If I feel good and confident, my attitude is usually a lot better. And then he notices….weird right?!
I can totally relate to this post!! Living in LA it’s also perfectly acceptable to run around in your yoga pants and zip up hoodie, and I’m definitely guilty of doing this more often than I’d like to admit! I try to think about not dressing for other people, who most of the time are practically strangers, but to dress for myself & wear what makes me feel good. My husband prefers me to keep it pretty cas, but once in a while we both enjoy dressing up a bit..it’s all about balance and what makes you feel good!