things i’m never going to do.

There are some things in life that I will just never do.  I do not judge others who appreciate some of the things that I do not, but some things are just not for me.  I found myself thinking about this while perusing the magical interweb…. “oh gosh!  I’d never do/wear/say that!”  So I decided to make a list.
Here are some things
 I’m never going to do:


1.  Take photos of my pregnant belly while making the heart shape with my hands around my belly button.  I know some of you have probably done this, and I don’t judge….I just don’t really get it.  What do I do with the photos once I take them?  Hang them on my walls?  I don’t know….perhaps this stems from my irrational fear of nudity…. who knows.  Either way….not happening.

2.  Since we’re on the topic of nudity, I will also never take a shower at the public pool or the gym.  NEVER.

3.  Oh…and back to pregnancy….I will never post photos of my positive pregnancy pee sticks on facebook.

4.  I won’t let my children wear crocs….or even worse….those freaking light up sneakers.  Or those cutsie little shirts that say stuff like “sassy”, “flirt” or “if you think I’m cute you should see my mom”.  No, no and NO!  I don’t care if they cry.  I’m putting my foot down.  Sorry future tots.

5.  Fanny packs….not gonna happen.  Did it once and never going back.

6.  I will never go sky diving or bungee jumping unless my life absolutely depends on it….as in I have to jump out of a burning plane or else I’m going to die in a fiery ball of death.

7.  I refuse to ever cheer for LeBron James.  I can’t stand his cockiness….even if he ever for some reason came to play for the Portland Trail Blazers….I still couldn’t do it.

8.  I will never respond to those stupid mass forwarded texts:  “send this to 10 of your BFF’s to let them know you think they’re special!”.  FYI:  If you send out texts like this then we’re probably not BFF’s anyway.  Why the heck to I keep saying BFF???

9.  Speaking of texting….I will also never use shorthand in my texts.  If you ever get a text from me you will not see any of the following:  LOL, GTG, IDK or whatever other acronyms surely exist out there.

10.  I will never wear glitter on my face ever again…..or anything with a butterfly on it.  For one it’s just too cutsie for my taste, but also….butterflies seriously creep me out. One time I took a group of day camp kids to this butterfly exhibit that they had at the zoo and after about 30 seconds of their creepy little wings in my face I had the get the heck outta there.  I abandoned the other camp counselor and waited by the exit.  No bueno.  Sorry Katie Poo!  

OK.  That’s it.  This wasn’t a particularly cheery post or anything, but sometimes you’ve just gotta vent!

What are some things
 you’ll never do?

Share!

xo
{Lauren}

Comments

  1. I’m totally with you on the crocs and baby clothing issue.
    Speaking of babywear…
    I would also never take my baby out in public in just a diaper.
    I hate that.

    And I will never respond to those texts, either.
    Especially the ones about “if i really love God.”
    Ew.

  2. Hehe love it!! ESPECIALLY #9 – grrrr!

  3. This is hilarious. I especially like the ones about the pee stick and the pregnant bellybutton heart. I imagine you feel the same way about making your very first sonogram picture (where nothing is even recognizable) your facebook profile picture. Gosh.

  4. Hahaha! Absolutely agree girl. I can’t stand those texts that only consists of short versions, it takes me forever to decipher what it actually means…writing it out makes it easier to read and actually understand. 😉
    No pregnant pictures of me, or nude pregnant pics. Ever! And I hear you about the baby clothes etc. I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said “my mom’s hot, you’re not!”. WTH????

    Thanks for sharing.

    xoxo

  5. eeee, you’re so funny, i think i love you! xxx

  6. Are you kidding?! Light-up trainers…uh, sneakers?…epitomize my childhood! They were the best thing ever! Mine were white with pink lights, I was so. Cool.

    Maybe they’re a bit ridiculous these days.

    With you on the crocs though. They look like…I don’t even know what they look like. Bleh.

  7. hilarious!

  8. I love the list, especially the one thing about the positive pregnancy pee sticks. hahahahaha 🙂 great post!

  9. oh my goodness, ditto on ALL of that! Except Lebron, cause I’m from Cleveland…kind of obligated to have a love/hate relationship with him.

    Enjoy your Thursday!

  10. Haha! I’ve often thought about what all I’ll put out there when I’m pregnant. Definitely no bare belly pics. Pregnant bellys scare me!!

  11. haha. I took an ex-boyfriend to a butterfly house and he was creeped out by the butterflies too! I thought it as so odd, but apparently I overestimated how common it is. 😉

  12. Hi – I am a recent follower and was pregnant last year. I am sooo with you on 1 & 3. Seriously, who wants to see a line on a stick filled with your pee??

  13. Ha ha! Lauren this is so funny. I really like your list and totally agree!

  14. I love your list! One thing I will never do is breastfeed in public with no cover whatsoever. I get that it’s “natural” but really…no one needs to see that.

    *sorry to all the rebel moms out there*

  15. I love this post.
    You are seriously so adorable and I just love your lists.

    xoxox

  16. You are my favorite. I’m with you on all of these. I can’t stand text message abbreviations either. I write everything out.

  17. Hahaha. 🙂 Good list. But you may end up backing down on the kid shoes with lights. Just a thought… 🙂

  18. those are hilarious! my friends are work and i just recently had the talk about not having semi-naked pregnant pictures taken us. so….strange.

  19. I use total full grammar when texting EXCEPT for lol. Lol, for me, stems from my AIM days and it’s just stuck with me. But otherwise, my texts are grammatically correct. I’m sure it drives people nuts.

  20. I said several of those ” i will not do’s” before I got pregnant and had kids…..
    but things change so never say never 🙂

  21. This is awesome! I laughed at all of them because every single thing I will NEVER do! Especially #1 and #3. My SIL and I were just talking about these the other day.

  22. oh, i’m with lin… i will never breastfeed in public. bah!

  23. Haha. Some people are cool enough to wear fanny packs but definitely not me. I have been pregnant and I can say that I did not develop any weird desire to do any of the above. Also, my dad who is nearing 50 and normally percieved to be a tough guy with a beard and tattoos who builds cars has taken to wearing crocs. The first time he showed them off everyone present was giving slightly fake but polite comments, but not me. I am sure I had that deer in a headlights look for several minutes.

  24. hehe, you are too cute lauren! i am the same about the pregnancy belly picture with the heart hand shape! That is why we posted that pic of sean and his hairy belly a couple months back! too funny! i agree with you on a lot of these things! although i have been skydiving… but it was freaking awesome! hope you have a great day lovely!

  25. my kids will also never wear those damn shoes with wheels in them! so annoying!! I also will never, ever, ever sky dive or shower at a gym. EW

  26. hahahahha totally agree with the pregnancy things. not just the heart with the hands thing but the bare stomach. i plan on taking lots of pic of my belly but alllll covered up.

  27. i am with you sister! I’ll never ever talk about my kids on FB like “omg i’m so tired little bobby was up ALL NIGHT last night”

  28. hahaha i agree with just about all of these! i love your tone in this post, cracks me up.

  29. haha! I agree with so many of those! As of now I don’t like light up shoes but if my kid becomes an outcast for not having any I might give in.. but then I’m planning on homeschooling during those years so maybe I can keep him protected from knowing about them.. that means PBS only without all the ads aimed at kids!
    Oh that butterfly exhibit weirded me out too.. I liked the bird one where you could feed them though!
    I tend to not like those naked pictures of pregnant women.. but I saw one exception in a ladies master bedroom’s bathroom once- she had them all in black and white and one had her husband’s arms around her and it was well done.. I’m pretty comfortable with nudity..probably 4 years of college looking at nude photos and taking them of people..and that my mom used to walk naked around the house until I got a boyfriend at 15 and insisited she stop! haha so I might end up taking one of those with my camera’s remote and never letting anyone see them!
    I will never breast feed in public! I’ll never forget at my grandma’s church when a lady popped it out and I saw her nipple during worship! It made it hard to keep worshipping.
    Have a great day friend and I’d love to get together sometime!

  30. haha! I agree on almost all of them.
    except for the shoes one.
    crocs, or in our case the cheaper croc-knock-offs, are a mainstay in my house during the summer. My boys are still little enough that they look cute in them, and those shoes are sturdy enough to withstand a hurricane, which is what my boys will most assuredly do to them. I made the mistake of getting one of my boys a pair of Vans last year. didn’t hold up!
    As for light-up shoes, I don’t really like them. however, when a boy who HATES to wear shoes absolutely CAN’T WAIT to put on his shoes because they “are police car shoes, momma!” well you just kind of change your mind.

    of course, before I had kids I said I would NEVER drive a minivan. hahahahahaha

  31. I’m so with you on the text forwards, and the Crocs and light-up shoes. And I’ll take that even further and say my kids will never wear shoes with wheels on them (excluding actual roller skates or roller blades, of course). Those things are awful for kids’ development and a nuisance to society! Get rid of them!

    I’ll also never wear a bra with clear straps. It is not the same as a strapless bra, ladies, I can still see your straps. And they are uncomfortable.

  32. Im almost definitely going to write a list like this for my blog. Great idea!!

  33. hahaha! you totally will do at least 2 of these im sure!
    and i say OMG do you?
    and i love fanny packs!
    but i wont do the pee stick thing either hahaha
    xo
    woooooo woooo cant wait til CALIFORNIA!
    b

  34. I will never do most of those either, except jumping out of a plane. I’m dying to do that.

    I will never tattoo someone’s initials/name on me. I’ll never drive a minivan.

  35. Yes! Someone else is part of the anti-acronym crew!

  36. haha! love it. and i agree! i will also never change my last name or get legally married. lucky the fiance is cool with all this.

  37. good one Jen. clear straps are ridiculous. almost as bad as wearing a red bra with a thin white shirt! sheesh!

  38. lol, butterflies are creepy? I find that hilarious, but I won’t wear butterfly stuff, it’s too I wore them in my hair when I was 12 for my adult liking. Crocs and uggs = death. I fully agree about the pee stick. ew.

  39. Love this post, I think Im going to do one!

  40. I will also NEVER parade pictures of my pregnancy test pee stick on the internet. A few discreet belly shots (without showing my face!) might be ok to send to family.

    I will NEVER let my kids or my HUSBAND wear those wheely shoes. YES, I have seen grown men wearing them. UGH.

    I will NEVER let my kids play Call of Duty until they are at least 13 and have the sound off! TOO crude of language even for me! (I feel pretty desensitized at times.) I won’t stop my husband from playing though 😉

  41. My “I will never” is: I will never call myself preggo, preggers, etc. And I won’t let people call me that. But I will try to politely correct them and not yell at them 🙂

  42. you are hilarious! I love this post! & i’m w/ you on them all! I am ok w/ the prego pics (not that i will do them, i definitely wouldn’t put them on FB or hang them in my house. they would probably just go in a photo album somewhere!) & i’m ok w/ nudity aka showering in public places (sorry LOL). BUT the other things i’m w/ you on completely! Especially those darn mass emails! I kind of want to write a post like this. 🙂 Maybe later.

  43. Hahaha! I’m glad you fessed up to your previous fanny-pack-wearing phase in life because I was totally going to call you out on it. But, hey, at least we had cool (if they can be cool) name brand outdoorsie fanny packs and not the 80’s fanny packs Jim wanted us to get from the thrift store. As if. Also, I don’t remember this whole butterfly episode at the zoo, but I definitely believe it happened.

    P.S. I would totally wear a fanny pack again if it meant we were day camp counselors together again. Ahh, such fun. Haha.

  44. LOVE this list…cracking me up! I completely agree with them all!!! Also, I’ll never drive a MINIVAN. Even, if I have 10 kids! Funny.

  45. OH my…I starred this because I need to come up with a list of my own. Love it 🙂

  46. This is hilarious. I will NEVER EVER be seen wearing slippers in public unless I have a health issue that prevents me from wearing shoes, (sadly, I know someone who has to do this). I will never be seen wearing at outfit where my bra straps is SUPPOSED to be showing, and I will never pay for wedding/shower invites that state where the bride, mother to be is registered. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

  47. This is awesome. I totally agree with 1,3,4,5,8,9,10; but number 1 made me laugh a lot. I will never have a nude pregnancy photoshoot with my hubby and post the pics on facebook. I will also never wear jeans with an elastic waist every again (except maybe when pregnant)

  48. This is quite possibly one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. It put a big smile on my face & the majority of these I completely agree with…other than I’m have no fear of butterflies & I would go skydiving or bungee jumping.

    You’re too adorable!

  49. Haha, love it. I also refuse to use shorthand in texts, even though I don’t have a smart phone so I have to type everything out on the number pad. It’s a matter of principle!

    Also, pee stick photos are weird and gross. There must be a better way to announce your pregnancy to the facebook world.

  50. 1. Made me laugh so hard! I’ve been a photographer for over 10 years, mainly portraits, and I must say… I WILL NEVER MAKE ANYONE TAKE THAT PHOTO! Or be forced into taking that damn photo! UGH!!!!

    9. My niece emailed in “text-type” other day.. It took me a good ten minutes to figure out what she was trying to say!!!

    Great post lady!!! x

  51. Love this…& agree on almost all! 🙂

  52. I will never text those messages either! Good for you!

  53. i can honestly say that i will never do any of those things, either.

    i’m so tired of seeing the hand in a heart. don’t people get that we’ve seen 5 million of them already?

    and the person who invented crocs should be on death row. that’s probably the ugliest style of shoes i’ve ever seen.

    and i’ve already told chris that i’ll probably end up making clothes for our child, because it it’s a girl, she’s not going around looking ridiculous saying she’s a flirt or sexy at the age of 6!

    good list!

  54. Hahaha! Oh my gosh. Definitely agree as far as: pregnancy pee sticks on facebook, CROCS (ugly, die! actually, they are going out of production!! win!), fanny packs, and stupid forwards!! and i hate hate hate children’s shirts that say ‘flirt’ and ‘sassy princess’ or ‘heartbreaker’ etc. i despise them, and most of them are totally inappropriate for their age!

  55. i’m so with you on these! girls wearing shirts that say “flirt”…yikes and chain texts, even worse!

  56. I do agree with most of the things in your list. But I laughed particularly hard when I read the butterfly one. We have a butterfly house where I live and seriously, they freaked me out! Before you even go in they tell you not to touch them because you’ll kill them. They need to tell the butterflys not to fly directly at me or they’ll die! I can’t help it if I wave my hand to get them away! ha ha!

  57. Oh, this made my day, so funny! Especially #3, ewww… Who does that?!

    I will never take my family (not that I have one yet!) out in public in matching outfits!

  58. ohhhh wahahahaha
    this is cracking me up.
    I am totally stealing this idea from you (with credit of course).
    my responses
    1. don’t people get a hairy line on their belly when their preggers. I prom promise I will not document my future happy trail.
    4. added to the kid list, those kid leashes. so so wrong. I want to dress my babies as mini me’s 🙂
    7. we went to an Indians game in Cleveland. There was a huge building with a 20story Lebron posing like Jesus. I hated him from that moment on. Pretty sure he’s not the 2nd coming beacuse Jesus has better things to do than hang out in cleveland. (he’d probably be in Pittsburgh).

  59. Right NOW you say you’ll never buy your kid shoes with lights on them, but when you see those adorable little plastic high heels from disney, or even just dora sneakers that make your little girl smile so much and offers at least an hour of enjoyment just jumping up and down and looking at lights – you will buy them. Plus it’s easier to find your kid in a crowd!

  60. I love these, they made me laugh. Especially #1-5, so true!

  61. Oh my garsh I pretty much could have written this but I am not brave enough!…

    I HATE THE BELLY HEART photo with an intense passion!

    Crocs, light up shoes & character shoes… ewwwww!

    And what is worse then getting LOL texts???? your friends who BLOG… LOL (and so forth) in ALL of their posts!

  62. While I wholeheartedly salute your resolve, you may find yourself caving on the crocs. They’re the best safe summer shoes for tots. Ever.

    (says the mommy of a 3yr old and 2yr old)

    More power to you though ;o)

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