Babies.
This is a word that has been coming up increasingly often
in the conversations at our house.
in the conversations at our house.
I’m 26 now and Craig and I have been married for almost three years, so I guess it’s kind of the time to start thinking about such things. Having kids sounds good in theory. I like the idea of doing something important with my life and having something bigger than myself to pour my time into. BUT….one of my biggest fears about having babies is that I’ll become boring.
I know that probably sounds weird, but I just don’t want to be that person who talks about nothing else except how cute her kid’s poopy diaper was that morning or where to find the best deal on Yo Gabba Gabba tickets (Note: I’ve never actually seen Yo Gabba Gabba, but hear it’s quite the craze from my preschoolers). I worry that I’ll turn into a mini-van driving, kid song singing, matchy-matchy jogging suit wearing, soccer mom. I’m afraid my life won’t include fun weekends spent wine tasting or trying new restaurants or even just leisurely, quiet nights spent at home. I’m scared that my friends won’t want to hang out with me anymore because, I’ll be burdened with children while they’re still enjoying their childless newly-wedded bliss.
Then I see photos like these.
From a blog like this.
Carolyn over at Team Boo posed her little Sonny in these hillarious photos and it made me laugh out loud seeing them tonight. As I read through her blog I also realized that I don’t have to be a stereotypical mommy. Carolyn’s not. Don’t get me wrong, she seems like a really great mom, but she also seems like she doesn’t take herself too seriously and it’s refreshing. It made me realize that I don’t have to wear an apron and make baby food from scratch and start scrap booking once I become a mom….not that there’s anything wrong with any of these things, but they’re just not me.
Oh…and when I do have little ones, I fully plan on posing them ridiculously and taking photos to use for further embarassment later in life. We already do it to Marley anyway :). Who says kids aren’t fun? Ha!
Do you have any fears?
xo
{Lauren}
haha I’ve seen those photos before and they make me want to have kids just to take pictures of them 🙂
I have all the same fears you do…..most of all i fear ill become like some of the people i know who wanted it soo bad and now all they desire is a day off….yuck and negative. I want to know what im getting into is hard and embrace it 🙂 So nice to hear other people are not sure about such things….
I see exactly where you’re coming from.. and I feel the exact same way.
I want to be me once I have kids and I desperately fear that I will disappear inside my mommy-ness. I want to be a fun mom, that still engages with the world outside of my mini-me and I am terrified of losing my friends while they go through different stages. I think that is entirely possible.
You should check out this blog too, Mila is so adorable!! 🙂 I love these moms.
http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/
I think it’s totally normal to feel this way. I do too. i wonder when i’ll be ready to have kids! we talk about it too but know it’s just not the time. still enjoy being selfish way too much. and in your twenties, why not?
Then there are moms out there that are my age and are so much fun. still enjoy going out, still have friends, etc. AND are great moms! So I guess it’s just who you choose to become when you are a mommy.
anyway, girl, i’ve got fears too. I think we all do.
I am scared that if I start the baby train, there’s no turning back. It’s such a final decision! I want to have my education for my career finished before we decide on kiddos because I don’t have any desire to go back to school in my 30s {not that there’s anything wrong with it}. And I’m scared I won’t want to be a stay at home mom. I know, we’re moving away from that stereotype…but I think it’s still very much alive and well. I want to work and have an identity outstide of “mommy”. So yeah, that’s a long way of saying I’m scared, too.
Hey friend!
Those pictures are freakin hilarious. We are in the same situation…26, married for 3 1/2, and scared to death of making the leap for all the reasons you mentioned. But the longer I’m gone (of course it’s only been like 2 weeks but it feels like longer) the more I realize that it will be, for us, the best kind of change. And hey, we can be funky hipster mommies together! Now what could be more fun than that?!?
I was scared of kids too, especially since I didn’t really like them. 😉 But let me tell you….the LOVE is unbelievable. And how you handle motherhood is totally up to you. I have avoided the minivan (although they are super convenient and not really uncool anymore), and while many of my friends now have kids, I was among the first. It did change things. But not for the worse. You’ll find a babysitter so you can still go out on weekends, and if you have the funds, you can still take really cool vacations. You’ll just have more people to share them with! (And for the record, I have a preschooler and I have no idea who Yo Gabba Gabba is.)
yes, i do have a fear, and you nailed it! can you imagine how much i have to hear abot babies after being married for 10 years? i’m just not a fan of babies, although toddlers are perfect, and i just don’t know that i’m ready for one.
i also have a HUGE fear of completely losing all sense of who i am and gaining a new identity as, “_____’s mom.” it seems like that happens to so many women, and it’s not that i’m selfish, but i just don’t want to be so consumed with everything baby-related that i’m just a shell of my former self. my aunt (she’s only a few years older) used to be my BEST friend, but when she had her baby two years ago, she went from talking about clothes, decorating, treehugging stuff, sex, food, etc. to having entire conversations about her baby staring at the ceiling fan. and the emails i got from her went from normal, interesting stuff to links sending me to baby cd’s. seriously, that isn’t interesting to anyone else! i never want to be that person either, so i completely understand your fears!
oh yeah, i got so caught up in typing about baby stuff that i forgot to say:
XOXO pretty, awesome, not-going-to-be-boring friend!
Yo Gabba Gabba is awesome. Haha, I was a nanny over the summer, and there was some profound messages. I learned that it wasn’t quite cool to bite your friends. Anyways, one of my biggest fears is that I’ll end up alone.
I just wanted to let you know that being a mom is a great adventure, each day is brand new and a great joy,this is how I have felt being a mom. I never became a mimi-van soccer driving mom. Having children is not burdensome, but merely a new challenge in your life. I would never trade being a mom for anything,afterall I have been truly blessed to have two amazing children,one of which you are one.I must have done something right with you and Matt,at least I hope so.Please never be afraid that you will turn into a boring mom,I know that you will be a wonderful mom,whenever you decide to become one.By the way, whenever you want to try a new restaurant, or anything else, What are grandparents for? They are there to help you to continue to enjoy that great adventure that we call Life.
BAHA!
Lauren, yes.
How perfect.
I love you forever.
Such honesty.
and…
I’M NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO CRINGES AT THAT MOM STUFF.
whew.
I love their headline,
‘make love, not beds.”
Your fear is legit. I like to think that when we have children I will still be ridiculously silly me … just the with kids version. I’m afraid all of my friends who have yet to marry let alone procreate wont want to hang out because they will assume we are always busy. Visitors are always welcome.
Also, children’s music is pretty awesome. Lisa Loeb’s version of Big Rock Candy Mountain as often as possible … as well as Raffi’s Bananaphone just because I find it hilarious
I seriously doubt I’ll ever have kids. My husband and I weren’t interested in being parents before getting married, and since then, as our friends and siblings have started having kids (lots of kids!), we’ve become more certain that it’s not the path for us. There are many reasons, but a major one is pretty simple: we really, really love our lifestyle. I believe that my life is important in any case, and that I can accomplish things that are bigger than myself without becoming a mother. My life is rich, varied, and useful, and I think it would be less so with kids in it.
I do love and admire the mommies around me, though! I think the most important thing to remember is to hold onto yourself, and know that you (and your time, desires, hobbies, etc) are important. Do that, and you’ll be a great mom, and a great person!
babies are definitely on my fear list too! I know that a baby will definitely change things, but like you said, I don’t have to be a boring mom. I want to do fun things with my kids, which includes dressing them up in ridiculous outfits!
Those photos are too cute for words!!
http://ashleyanderic.blogspot.com
I am totally scared of having kids cause I’m a NICU nurse, and I’m kind of convinced that there will be something wrong with my baby. I’m also terrified of going through labor (I see it way, way too often to be excited about it…) I’m also scared that I wouldn’t be a good parent.
Fear #2: that we’ll never be able to buy a house. 🙁
Lauren! Let me tell you, you won’t end up being that boring mom because you already know you don’t want to be. You will subconsciously make cool decisions as a mom. And the fun does not have to stop–it’s a choice. And in your case it won’t. Did I mention I have two kids (4 and almost 2)? There IS fun, silly and cool on the other side of kids. Trust me:) You might even kick yourself for not having kids sooner than later once you have them. I think 26 is a great age to have the kiddies:)
yes my fears are:
that jacob and i will have a different frustrated relationship like most ppl with kids.
that we will mess up on raising a creative, smart, good kid, who loves life.
that i will be too strict or too lenient.
THAT I WILL BE FAT. i know it’s shallow but it’s a fear.
BUT i dont worry about turning into a borning mom bc there’s just no way!!!!
you have nothing to worry about either! just make an effort not to get in a rut!
xo
love you and miss you LALA
I have those same fears Lauren, pretty sure they’re normal. I want a baby like nobody’s business but I’m also worried I’m too selfish to take care of a baby. I figure that changes once the little one is actually around but still… it’s scary.
hey lauren…i have been feeling the same anxieties about babies a lot lately (and i am 5 months prego currently). i still have a lot of fears about motherhood and losing my identity.
but, after talking with a bunch of girlfriends they put it to me like this….”you will NEVER be fully ready to have kids. But once your baby is born, despite the sleepless nights every self sacrifice will be worth it 10 fold.”
I truly believe this is true. And I really think you can control the type of mother you are…and i will never be a mini-van driving mom!!! haha
xo
monica
Your fears are totally normal! I have thought the same things! I have a cool bloggie friend who has 2 little ones & always talks about not losing HERSELF in being a mommy. It is possible. You get a babysitter, you go on date nights. You keep your husband FIRST. I hate it when mom’s ignore the husband for the babies, he is important too! It will all be fine & since you don’t want to be one of those mommies who loses herself, you probably won’t be. You’ll make sure to stay who you are. 🙂
I know exactly how you feel… but I guess now it’s too late, in February there will be no turning back… but I do have hopes of not becoming “one of those” mums, since I don’t think I’m “one of those” pregnant women who don’t drink coffee, eat chocolate, work out (okay I’m not working out that much, but hey I didn’t do that before getting pregnant either), I still live my life as before, the only thing changed is my shopping habit (clothes are not the top priority anylonger, as I won’t fit them in the spring) and the no alcohol on weekends.
Besides most of our friends do have kids, so I guess they will still come visit after we have kids as well.
Hope you will overcome your fears or decide to wait a little longer, good luck whatever you decide to do:)
i like to think i’m cool still… gosh, now you’ve got me worried…
personally, i think kids make you more fun – just in a different way!
and since you don’t want to be ‘that mom’ then you wont. i wouldn’t even worry about it if i were you.
i hate death and have had a lot of people that i love die… that’s my fear – more loved ones dying… i’m just good at handling it. also, i have a huge fear of getting into a disfiguring car accident… that scares me. shoot, i have a lot of fears… too many to list here!
you’ll be a fun, hip mom – don’t worry!!
xo. thanks.
Let’s clear one thing up, first – the minivan. I don’t have one yet, but I confess that I want one. And, if you didn’t know yet, the old mini-van stereotype has been replaced! Just check out this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4
Seriously now, you know that I have 3 kiddos already – yes 3, and the oldest one just turned 4. So, how do I feel about my life? Do I think it’s boring? Do I wish I were relaxing or out enjoying restaurants and adventure on the weekends? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The truth is Lauren, that what you view as valuable and important now will be replaced with something entirely more valuable, with eternal importance. You think you’re having fun now, but nothing is more fun than sitting down to a Saturday morning breakfast of pancakes with you sleepy-eyed kids in their footie pajamas and hearing their giggles and silly thoughts. Tim and I look across the table at each other and smile (or sometimes crack up) with a joy that we didn’t have before our boys entered our lives. That’s not to say that it’s not hard, but anything worth having takes work (marriage too, as I’m sure you know).
As for your friends – please don’t take offense – but they’re not nearly as important as your kids will be. Think back to the Jr High friend that you thought you’d always be friends with. They were SO important to you then, but now you don’t even know where they are. Craig is your best friend now, and that friend just doesn’t seem so important in comparison. You’ll still have friends, and you learn to balance things out, but your friends are grown-ups, they shouldn’t need you like your kids do.
Having kids doesn’t mean that you have to start wearing sweats and put on 30 lbs, you can (and should, especially for Craig’s sake) keep your feminine appeal. But, I think you’ll find that having kids makes you more comfortable with yourself, just as you are (even in sweats), and worry a whole lot less about what others think about you. You’ll know you’re adored by your family and that will mean so much more to you than tasting wine, hanging out with friends, or keeping up with the latest fashion trends. It’s something nobody can take away from you – it’s amazing, and it may even induce you to be so practical that you find yourself eyeing minivans!
Yep, I’m afraid of babies, too. For pretty much all the same reasons you are. There are so many things I want to do – travel a lot, get settled in a career – and doing those things sounds far more interesting to me than getting stuck at home with a baby. And a lot of my friends who have had babies are boring to me now – it’s like we lost everything we used to have in common.
So adorable! Good for you being 26 and thinking about kids. I’m 29 going on 30 and haven’t really been thinking about it. Honestly, what my fear is about being able to provide for them. I understand that there will be financial sacrifices, but after my girlfriend told me how much her month daycare fees are I almost went into panic attack mode….
You will be a great and non-boring mom for sure! Please read this blog post by an amazing mom and see how awesome life with kiddos will be if you go the non-traditional route http://bleubirdvintage.typepad.com/blog/2010/10/what-a-magical-weekend.html
Great picture finds. I think when the time comes we’ll all figure out how to be great mothers and sometimes we won’t follow the rules.
The thing I’ve found since becoming a mother is that my perspective has changed. I don’t really care if someone thinks I talk about stupid things. Or if they scoff at my everyday attire. I still do everything i did before, just not as often, plus i have found new things that i never would have tried before…
I run marathons to get back in shape, we have bonfires in our backyard instead of sitting at a restaurant with friends. I still get dressed up and wear cute outfits at least once a week. I hang out with my husband…after the kids are asleep every night. I go shopping, but a lot more online. I do carpool, but we rock out to metric on the way home. You just adapt. And that way you aren’t missing out, cause you have added so much dimension to your life. In that i find so much joy and fun in being their mother. They are hilarious and interesting and loving and fantastic. But i keep lighthearted about as much as i can, that way instead of feeling burdened by so much responsibility…we have fun at how ridiculous things can get along the way. Don’t be scared, just treat it like an adventure. You won’t loose yourself if you understand that yourself is always changing 🙂
also thanks for the shout out…duh! you are so sweet. I’m glad you see my blog for what it is intended, and that is to show how ridiculously funny parenthood is and how much being a mother can rock. You could have easily used those same pictures as an example of how crazy mothers become 😉
lauren, love your blog! you are so creative and great.
I wanted to share my view…. 🙂
My 3 older siblings are married so i have 10 nieces and nephews and i love them all SO much! so, i am definitely not afraid of kids…but having them is a different story. When I first got married (7 months ago) i was anti kids and whenever it was brought up i would get upset and say, “never!”. Then, this summer we went on a vacation to Kansas and i hung out with my aunts and uncles who are all real farmers. my uncle runs the farm my dad, grandpa and great grandpa grew up on. He is 100% different and lives %100 different then us city folks. he also doesn’t talk much…
anyways, dan and i rode with him in his old beat up truck to my cousins football game. I was shocked when he started talking and didn’t stop! he asked us about kids and i told him my usual schpeal. He looked and me and had tears in his eyes. (shocking coming from a farmer) he said, “you know katie, my kids are the biggest gift that i have ever received. there are so many people that try for years and years to have kids and cant.” he went on to tell us that they had recently remodeled their house and that year the crop failed and then the year after it failed again. they were owned by the bank for 2 years and never got to do anything they wanted. he said that when it comes down to it, family is all you have.
i just wanted to share this because it has totally changed my perspective. yes, it would be crazy if i got pregnant right now, but it would be a gift! i am learning to look at it in this new light and take each day at a time. No rush, no pressure…but in God’s time ( when he knows we are ready) He will allow it and give us the grace to get through it! 🙂
love ya girl.
Don’t be scared!! There is seriously nothing better than having a baby! I love, love being a mom. It is so fun. And although my blog has become all about my baby, it doesn’t mean that my life has totally changed. If anything, it makes you want to do more and be better FOR them, ya know? And I was the same way…I worried about losing myself and not doing stuff I love, but bringing a baby along just makes stuff that much more fun. And I do NOT scrapbook! Ever! And I’ve always thought making your own baby food was LAME (and then I did it last week with some leftover squash and felt so cool. ha.) but Dane is 100% fed by Gerber baby food and formulua. I don’t know. It’s hard to say what I’m thining. I was worried about changing it a typical mom, too, but the “mom” stuff I have started doing I love, and then there is still plenty of “mom” stuff I don’t participate in, ya know? And the stuff you DO start doing is all for them. LIke I suddenly want to go to a pumpkin patch and some kid trick-or-treat thing just because I want to see how Dane will react, ya know? I think a lot of moms do weird, cheesy mom things for their kids. But you still have to do stuff for yourself, too. Anyway, you just do what works for you. Either way, I’m excited for the day you have a baby! They’re so fun! Sorry that this comment is long and all over the place. hah!
Yes, and that’s why we decided to NOT have kids. My bf already has a 13 year old son from a previous marriage and it’s sometimes very exhausting…plus my bf is in the military and gone a few times and more during the year. So i don’t want to sit at home in a town where i don’t know anyone with a baby and nothing special to do.
We love our lives like this…we want to do so many things in the next years….ther’s a space for a baby.
I wish you good luck with finding the right time to start TTC.
You are cool and hip now, so what makes you think you will change that much when you have kids? It’s totally your decision and it’s society that makes us think we need to be boring (and drive minivans) when we become a mom. I think its hard for you to imagine what it will be like because it’s impossible to imagine that much joy brought to your life since you haven’t experienced it yet…cheesy but SO true! Clearly you aren’t alone in your feelings but just because you have kids doesn’t mean you are a different person, I feel like I am the same person I was before and Chris and I are even closer because of having Bennett. It’s such a priveledge that Christ trusts us to raise up loving, honest, awesome Jesus followers. It’s a scary challenge starting with pregnancy but the positives FAR outweigh any negatives.
Your life changes for the better and you become a silly goofy mom who’s goal is to embarass your child daily. You will keep your old friends who will be begging you to babysit while you have a date night (we have date night every friday and no we don’t talk about bennett). You will make new friends who have babies so they can all play together. Your friends without babies will eventually have them. You will contintue to wear the same clothes (maybe less dangly earrings) and drive the same cars and eat at the same restaraunts. You will talk about the same things as you did before. You will talk about your baby alot because they bring you so much joy and you are amazed at how they just learned to say a new word or walk or wipe their butt. They will fall and bump their head and will reach out to you immediately because they know you are safe and will give them love and that’s the best feeling in the world! Your heart will grow exponentially even though you didn’t think it was possible.
Nobody says you need to change when you become a mom, thats like saying you still need to wear a mumu when you become pregnant. The only way to become a boring parent is to let society dictate what you should and shouldn’t do. Knowing you, you will create your own way. It’s normal to have fears but don’t worry about everything because somehow when you are a parent, everything seems to work itself out! Maybe we need to hang out more so you can see that having a baby=awesome! You and Craig are welcome to babysit and get some practice in any time 🙂
Seriously, did I just write a book?
PS- minivans still aren’t cool as much as Toyota wants them to be. I thought the swaggerwagon video was lame and I am not going to give in.
hmm… my fears?
death
winding up lonely
growing up
planes
anything at the carnavel (did i spell that right?)
and everything else in between 😀
Oh man, I’m so not ready to have babies yet so I know what you’re talking about. But I also think that you can be you, just you in mom form. One of the best things I think is for young moms to do what they normally do, and just bring their kids along. Then your friends get used to seeing you kid in tow and they love the little one ( and then you have built in babysitters). It also lets the kid experience a lot.
Those pictures are RIDICULOUS! I’m kind of jealous that I never thought to do anything like that.
Anyways, my friend Melissa from Little Mrs. Married sent me the link to this post today because she thought I would appreciate it… and I did. All your fears are normal and the good news is that when you become a mom you still get to be YOU! It took me a while to figure that out but I eventually did and I am ok with my life now. 🙂 I wrote about it once… http://laurablogsagain.blogspot.com/2009/10/laura-first.html
And mini-vans… they’ve come a long way! I actually think mine is kind of cool for a mini van. (Call me a nerd if ya want!) And one of the best things I did for myself after becoming a mom was make some friends that weren’t moms just so that I DIDN’T have to sit around talking about things like poopy diapers.
Having kids totally changes your world but it doesn’t have to drastically change you.
you’ll be fine. just don’t let all those “boring mom” stereotypes get into your head. fears? me? yea, kids. but i already said i won’t have any. so that’s all been resolved. tom doesn’t want them either. yay us! marriage. sort of fearful of it. i’m committed, but the idea of permanence scares the bejesus out of me. it’s why i have no intention of buying my own house. i prefer to be able to move whenever and whatever floats my boat. i know. strange. oh well. there you go.
I have to admit that I have had similar fears too. The more I’ve been thinking about it though, the more I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to spend my whole life without kids doing things that make me feel happy. I might fear losing those things that make me “me” (not snowboarding this season cause I am preggo is going to kill me!), but I’m realizing that when it comes down to it, those things aren’t the things that bring joy to my life – my relationship with God and my family/friends are my true happiness and so many of the things I love are because of who I do them with. So while I’m going to try hard not to lose myself to mommydom, I’m also going to accept that being a mom is also going to become a part of who I am, and that is something worth embracing as well.
Now that doesn’t mean we’re not taking our one year old snowboarding, because we soo are. 😀
Can’t wait to hang out on Wednesday!
Your concerns are completely completely spot-on…and as someone who has come out on the other side of this (2 kids later and still a bad ass), I can only say that it takes bravery.
And here’s the type:
You must not feel guilty for feeling joy over things not baby related.
You must face the mom community and be outcast and then eventually accepted as the “weird friend.”
You must continue having your own time, hobbies, and husband date nights (once a week is a must).
The main question to ask yourself is:
Are you unapologetically you?
If so, you’re ready.
If not, wait a few years. Drink, dance and go on vacation. Sleep in.
Everything will be just fine…
Ugh, I totally feel ya on this one! I’ve definitely quit reading some blogs because they’re flooded with pictures of babies. Gets a little obnoxious! That blog is pretty neat though!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t stand the mom thing sometimes. As for having babies…I love ’em, but my plan is not until I’m at least 30 🙂
you MUST check out this blog! this is a mom that is totally creative, fun, beautiful, totally “normal” and her kids’ clothing/pics are to die for. http://www.kellehampton.com/
Two fears of mine, that truly do consume my thoughts quite often:
1. Returning to the vicious cycle of anorexia
2. Infertility
God is dealing with #1. Giving me grace to live in His freedom, His strength and forgiveness. It’s an addiction that captivates your mind, so He is renewing my mind daily and setting me free.
As for #2, the day has not come where I am trying to have a baby. But I remind myself always, it is the Lord who opens and closes the womb as He desires. He did so for Sarah, Ruth, Hannah and many others.