the heart of a mother.

I know that with everyone writing about the tragedy that occurred in Connecticut last week you’re probably feeling totally inundated with everyone’s thoughts on the situation, so feel free to skip over this post if you’d like. But, I basically just needed to put my thoughts out as a way of processing for myself and wanted to share my heart…

I remember the Columbine high school shootings. I was a freshman in high school when it happened. I remember feeling sad about it…more shocked actually, but I was so self-centered (as many teenagers are apt to be) that I moved on from it pretty quickly. It didn’t really affect me a whole lot. Maybe that seems terrible, but it’s true.
But, when I turned on the news this Friday and heard about the terrible events that happened in Newtown, Connecticut I couldn’t help but cry. Since becoming a mother I have become a lover of not just my own child, but all children. I was a teacher before I had Fern, so I’ve always loved kids, but this is different. 
My heart feels interconnected with every mother and child and it’s almost like I take a little bit of their broken-heartedness on myself when I read about things like this. Obviously, I cannot even begin to comprehend the sadness that the families of the precious little first graders are going through, but my heart is so wrought for them. I keep thinking: “How I would even be able to function if Fern was one of those children?”…it’s too horrible to even think about and I’ve cried multiple times as it’s popped up in my head.
I wish there was something I could do to help.
But, I’ve been praying. Praying that God will bring people into the lives of these families that will bring them peace and love. There is nothing that will ever make this “OK”, but love can cover these families, friends, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers…and offer them the smallest bit of comfort like the Bible says.
1 Peter 4:8
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
I’m not a theologian or anything, so I may be taking this verse out of context, but even so it’s true…love can breathe new life and hopefully over time it will be able to cover the sins of the person who did this to all of these innocent people.
I for one am trying to appreciate my baby a little bit more and hug her a little more often. But, I am also more aware that there are people hurting out there. I think about the person who did this and I think of his mother. I wonder how long she was suffering in silence and dealing with the issues of her son? I wonder if she didn’t feel like she could ask for help? It makes me even more determined to be relational with others and get into people’s lives. We all have our struggles. Would things have been any different if someone had invested in this young man’s life? If someone had taken the time to show him love? I know the everyone is talking about what an awful monster he is to have done this terrible thing and I can’t say that those same thoughts haven’t crossed my mind, but I also realize that he is just a person…a flawed and broken person like all the rest of us. What if instead of viewing him as the “disturbed”, “weird” kid like I’ve read over and over, someone had invited him into their lives. What if someone had prayed for him and loved on him?
I know there a thousand “what ifs”, so I’m not going to obsess over them, but I am encouraged to live my life more intentionally. We were not created to be loners, but rather for relationship and we need to be investing in others, because if we aren’t doing that, then what’s the point?
Hopefully this wasn’t too rambling, but I just needed to sort this out for myself a bit.
xo
Lauren

Comments

  1. I’ve always “loved kids” and spent time babysitting, with younger cousins etc but since I became a mother it’s completely different. Like you said, I feel this deep connection to how each one of those parents feel after the loss of their child. I know what it feels like to love your own child and that pain that those parents are feeling is indescribable. As a mother, I’ve connected to this tragedy in a different way than I’ve ever felt about something before. I too was in highschool when Columbine happened and like you said, moved on pretty quickly. This CT shooting, being the next state over from me and also being a mother has left me shaken.

  2. I feel the same. I feel for the boy who did this. I wish someone could have reached out to him. It’s sad on so many levels…but thanks for this post. It was really beautiful.

    Brooke

  3. I think this is right on. I am very uncomfortable with how the media is beginning to characterize/demonize/blame both the shooter and his mother. Instead of looking pointedly at them, we need to look at ourselves and ask, “What didn’t we do that we could have?”

    And, yeah, after having my son, these types of things are so different… my heart breaks now in ways I didn’t know imaginable before.

  4. Beautifully written, Lauren. Thank you for sharing your heart and this verse especially. Bless your beautiful, mamma’s heart.

  5. I agree with Candice above me. Maybe if we stopped trying to place blame and instead tried to reach out and help things could be the same.

    My heart breaks for everyone involved in what happened on Friday.

  6. This letter is beautiful. It is so so sad what happened. My heart breaks for the families. I can’t imagine the nightmares they are going through.

  7. Thank you for sharing this. So wisely and sweetly written.

  8. As a society we are failing people with mental illness. In the richest industrialized nation on the planet, we can do better.

  9. It was 2am Saturday morning that I caught the news about CT. I was lying in bed just checking FB before I went to bed – I know such a bad habit!

    I saw the comments pinging up about this elementary school on the other side of the world but I had to find out what was going on. I flicked from FB to Safari and googled for the news – what was going on…….

    I was still lying in bed and had a little cry too. How could someone take all those lives – and innocent children – what did they ever do? I’m a foster mum to a 13yo and godmother to a 5yo. I know I’d put myself in harms way to protect them.

    When I was at lower school (erm maybe elementary or middle school in the US) there was a shooting at a school in Dublane, Scotland. I vaguely have a recollection of my Mum collecting me and my brother from school and hugging us and not letting go for about 10 minutes.

    The day the news broke about the attack in Norway – I emailed my Mum, Dad and my brother to tell them all that I loved them. For me to tell my brother that I loved him was a big deal it’s not something we do it’s like an inferred feeling that isn’t said.

    Tell those around you, that you love them, don’t go to bed on an argument, keep short accounts and forgive and forget where possible. Life is too short and it’s too easily taken away.

  10. Loved reading your thoughts too. Sending you a virtual hug until the next time I see you.

    Kacie

  11. Exactly! I have gotten some funny looks when I have said that I am praying for his family too. I have a 5 year old daughter and can’t imagine getting that horrible phone call saying she was not coming home. Your post is beautifully written and from the heart.

  12. . I can’t even imagine what it would be like processing this as a mom; it has affected me so deeply as it is. Loved hearing your thoughts on this and appreciate your call/inclination to be more relational in response.

    Hope you’re having a joyful Christmas lady!

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