Craig and I have been together for 10 years.
That’s a long time.
The good news is that we still like each other.
The bad news is that with the busy-ness of having a baby we sometimes forget.
This is when having a date night comes into play.
We don’t have date night on a specific day each week and we don’t even have one every week, but making sure it’s a regular occurrence is important. Sometimes one or both of us might not feel like having a date night, but those are probably the times that we need to go the most. This weekend was one of those times. We were only gone for two hours, but it was lovely. Nothing like Pok Pok spicy wings, tasty beverages and peace and quiet to help us reconnect.
This past weekend I was feeling super emo. Not sure why, but I was kind of a weepy mess. Apparently I needed a date night very badly and after we went I felt infinitely better. Something about just stopping and taking the time to breathe and shut out all the other noise to just focus on Craig leaves me refreshed every time. It reminds me of why we fell in love and helps me to relax and just have fun with my best friend.
Lately I’ve been reminded as I see other couples around us going through marital difficulties, just how important it is to constantly be nurturing a marriage. It’s easy to let the little things go until one day they’ve built up to the point where the little things have become big things that seem too overwhelming to fix.
I think a lot of people forget that and I think that’s why so many marriages fail. It’s easy to get lazy and assume you’ll put in more effort tomorrow, but then tomorrow turns into tomorrows tomorrow that never comes.
Now that Craig and I are parents it’s even easier to fall into this trap of neglecting our marriage, especially when the to-do list seems endless and the precious hours in the day seem to be so few.
But, I really want to commit to putting effort into my marriage daily and I want to continue wooing Craig. I rarely do special things to show my love and appreciation for him anymore. I know he understands that we both have a lot on our plates during this stage of life, but I really want to write more love notes, bake more cookies, and do more of the little things that I know make him feel loved.
I just wanted to share my heart for marriage today, because I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who doesn’t have it all figured out and who doesn’t have the perfect marriage. I wanted to take a break for a minute and just encourage others to stop and take the time to appreciate their spouses this week. It can be something small, but just try to go out of your way to do something.
I also know that not all of you reading this are married, but maybe you will be one day and when you are, I hope you go into marriage recognizing that it will be simultaneously the most amazing AND the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life.
Thanks for letting me share my heart today.
xo
Lauren
PS: Total side note, but you should head over to check out the giveaway I’m doing for this awesome face cream over at Babble! Thanks!
PS: Total side note, but you should head over to check out the giveaway I’m doing for this awesome face cream over at Babble! Thanks!
Thanks for such a lovely, affectionate post, dear Lauren.
For some reason I’m going through the same troubles these days, I’ve even made a post out of this situation on my blog too. It helps a lot to shout your feelings out. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and we are also very busy with our 8 months daughter that we forget about each other and our marriage. We need to follow your advise ASAP.
I’m glad you shared this with us and got us back on track.
Thanks again
Hugs
This is so sweet 🙂 And its encouragment to hear too! Love you guys!
LOVED this post, Lauren! Truer words have never been spoken. I often wonder how having a baby one day will change our lives and our marriage. I’d be lying if it didn’t freak me out a little – that this amazing little being will be taking attention away from US. It will be so worth it and you have to do just what you are doing – remember to still nurture that very important relationship. It’s just as important to your baby to love each other as it is to love her!
BTW, I stumbled upon this report on Camille Styles blog called “How Parenthood Makes Life Meaningful and Marriage Makes Parenthood Bearable” and I’m about half way through. Fascinating read on how to be happier in your marriage after having children!
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your heart on this. A lot if people really are going through the mill in their marriages and it hurts my heart. My husband and I are super busy and we often forget to take the time to truly appreciate each other. Thank you for this reminder…it’s very timely 🙂 I pray y’all have a continually blessed and happy marriage!
Brooke
thebebebirds.blogspot.com
Amen.
Thanks for sharing.
My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years, and this year is being the most difficult one, as we have a lot on our plates, starting a new business together, which is wonderful and stressful and challenging at the same time!
Our marriage has been tested, but I think we are growing stronger and coming out winning from this experience.
I love this and completely agree with you. You’re a very strong woman, Lauren and an inspiration 🙂 I know that sounds cheesy but I mean it. xo
This is so good. I’m planning on writing about my marriage very soon. Most likely on my maternity leave coming up.
We have date nights on Friday’s and we love it. It’s really important to us to go. I know after this Friday we’ll probably miss a few date nights but we’ll resume them asap and have 2 grandma’s that are anxious to babysit. Putting effort into your marriage is something you MUST do to keep it going and keep it good. We’re surrounded by bad marriages. We know we have the best one between both of our families and it’s so sad what our parents and other family members have done to their marriages and how they aren’t living as happily and loving each other like they could be. Great post.
Such great advice, and so true!
My mister and I are not married yet, but are planning that stage in our life very soon. It is a bit scary and exciting time, but it is nice to hear real advice from those that are working hard to keep their marriage alive. My friend with a toddler swears by date night and her and her husband just celebrated their 11 year wedding anniversary! Thanks for sharing such an intimate post Lauren!
Super good post. I pretty much ignored Jeremy for the first few months after Pearl was born. I just felt so overwhelmed by caring for her that I practically forgot that he existed. Going out on dates and carving out specific family time has been helpful for us too.
Lauren, thanks for your honesty in this note! It was a great reminder to foster intimacy and intentionality in our marriages. John is no doubt my best friend and I love him even more today than I did on our wedding day. But that didn’t just happen overnight or without effort – it came from seeking to love him faithfully everyday and always trying to be a better wife to him.
Love you friend! Praying for you, Craig and little Fern, and can’t wait to see you in July!
Hugs,
Dana
This post couldn’t have come at a better time. Thanks for opening your heart and sharing.
I love this post. I’m not married (yet), nor do I have a baby, but I’m in medical school, which feels like a baby unto itself. Anyway, I completely agree with you. Any relationship requires a conscious effort. My boyfriend took me away for the day a few weeks ago and it was amazing what a difference a few hours made. Your posts about Craig make me happy…the two of you are adorable. 🙂
Thanks for a great post! My husband and I have been married only about a year and a half and our new baby is due in just 30 days! One thing that scares me most about the arrival of the little one is how much it will change our relationship. I think it’s important to make sure you put effort into your marriage, and hope we can remember this in the upcoming months and years!
Lauren, Thank you so much for this beautifully written, heart felt post! My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years as well, and we have our first baby on the way! I think this great advice and something that I hope to take to heart and implement once our baby arrives. Thanks again. ~Jamie
So glad you posted this friend! I know we’ve talked about this many times but I thought I’d share my thoughts here as well…We weren’t ever promised that marriage would be easy, and it definitely gets harder when you add kids into the mix, but it’s always worth it to work on it…no matter what because it was our choice to get married afterall. People forget that they had a choice in the matter! It’s a bummer that we are surrounded by bad marriages, BUT we also have great ones around us to learn from as well! Putting time aside for date nights has definitely been one of the best things Chris and I have ever done for our marriage. I’m so glad you went out regardless of how you were feeling!
I’m not even married and sometimes my boyfriend and I find ourselves so consumed with the demands of every day life that we forget about each other. Date nights and other little ways to re-connect are so important from time to time. Thanks for sharing 🙂
xxx
Jenna
I think some people (not all) that aren’t yet married don’t realize that marriage is very hard work. It’s easy to think it’ll be just like dating but it really isn’t. And it makes me happy to see that after 10 years that you and Craig aren’t just a married couple but FRIENDS too.
I’m glad you still like each other 😉
I couldn’t agree with you more. Parenting does seem to take away from marriage a bit at times but it’s more important than ever when you are a family to have a solid marriage. We have date night every Wednesday. =)
Kacie
This is why you are my friend … I truly needed to read something like this today and be reminded of those little things that help make a relationship strong. Can’t wait to talk to you about life when I visit … the boys can do boy stuff. LOVE you a zillion and truly, this made me tear up … so blessed to read these words. BISOUS.
I haven’t commented in so long…but I had to today. Loved this post a lot, and yes, sometimes people forget that marriage takes a lot of work (and I’m not even married but still know that!). It’s a great reminder for all of us! 😉
xoxo
So good for my heart! As always, thanks for being honest and real and inspiring.
awesome post & you are so very right! I love seeing other high school couples too!
I’m not married, but have been in a relationship for a year and a half next week. We went from long distance (which required a lot of effort, and resulted in a lot of excitement) to living together. It’s been a hard adjustment on me, but not so much on him. I am so bad at comparing other relationships and marriages that look perfect, and wonder why we aren’t sickeningly sweet and happy every second. It’s encouraging to know that it really does take word and effort to nurture a relationship. It doesn’t happen all by itself
I think you deserve an amen for this post. Marriage takes work and effort and even when you’re together all the time you still need those moments to remind each other how much you care.