Fern is 21 months old…she will be two on January 15th. Right around months 17 to 18, life with her really started to get magical. Her language started exploding and her little personality was completely blossoming. Every day was fun and new and filled with learning moments and firsts. And then a few week ago she took a turn for the obstinate and ever since I feel like I am floundering over here and having to readjust my parenting approach on the fly.
I hate the phrase “terrible twos”. I think it’s super negative and no child should be referred to as terrible and it’s kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Children are wonderful, but they are learning and are going to have rough moments just like we as adults do. When I have a grumpy day or I’m feeling bummed out I can choose to stay home and avoid people and when I can’t and end up being a royal B to other people, I can recognize my behavior (unfortunately it’s often later) and go back and apologize. Young children don’t often have that choice. When they are feeling particularly out of sorts they can’t just express that to us. They can’t say, “Hey Mom! Can we please just stay home and cuddle up and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse instead of going to the grocery store today? I’m feeling a little on edge and I think I might be prone to an in-store meltdown today which wouldn’t be fun for either of us.” Yeah. Not gonna happen. Children get toted around and scheduled for based on our needs and activities without much say so I can kind of understand the frustration.
All that said…it doesn’t make this almost two business any easier.
I’m trying to focus on the fact that we have so many good moments in our days – more good than bad – but it’s hard on days when I am feeling particularly exhausted and Fern is saying NO to anything and everything. It’s hard on days when she is throwing her food on the ground and refusing to eat anything I serve her. It is hard when she very stubbornly refuses to say “Please” (EVER) simply on principle, because I know she knows how. It is hard when she is running through a store and pulling things off of shelves or throwing herself on the ground because she is upset with me. It is hard when I have errands to run and deadlines to meet and she is being uncooperative.
I’m super thankful that I have Craig around, because my fuse has been super short and it’s nice to have him step in when I’m about to lose my cool to remind me to take a deep breath and a step back. He keeps reminding me that she’s only been on this earth for 21 months and it’s pretty damn impressive all the things she actually can do at this point. Granted it’s a little easier for him to say these things because he is only around her for a few hours a day, but still. He is well-meaning and it does help.
All of my friends have told me that this is just a hard stage and that it will get better. I believe them, but I’m still just treading water over here. To those who have gone before me, I am glad to know that I am not the only one to ever experience the challenges of toddlerhood and you are all amazing if you’ve gotten through it relatively unscathed and I want to learn your magical ways and Jedi mind tricks.
This is one of the reasons I haven’t been around here much…in addition to those terrible migraines. But I’m here. And hopefully I’ll be around a little more often now that the migraines have let up. Thanks for being patient with me.
Also, feel free to send good thoughts and LOTS of prayers our way. We will survive this toddler stage!
Love and tantrums,
Lauren
I am SO with you, except ours is just over three. I feel like the last month, things have just gone nuts. Solidarity, sister.
Oh man. You make me nervous. If she’s already being so challenging at not even two, I’m scared for 3! Thanks for being in it with me friend. I try not to complain about Fern, because obviously I adore her, but this is just totally draining right now. Sigh. And then I see friends posting about their teenagers having drama and I wonder when it ever ends. Sigh. I guess you just learn as you go, right? Thinking of you lady!
I am right there with you! Everett will be 2 on January 30th, but to compound the tantrums even more, he’s not very verbal yet, which makes things extra frustrating for both of us. This too shall pass (right?? And hopefully quickly!!)
Kelly – I’ve heard that it gets a little easier when they start talking more, although I’m not sure I agree, because Fern is SUPER verbal. She has so many words I can’t even keep track anymore, but well over 100, but it doesn’t really seem to help when the only one she ever actually wants to use is NO.Ugh. Surviving over here with you.
We started experiencing the same things at the same time around here. I have had multiple parents say some variation of “this is nothing, just wait until she’s 3!” And I have felt like replying back with a big F-U on those occasions, but have so far been able to restrain myself.
Kira – Oh man. Yes. I know the comments are well-meaning (like your post the other day mentioned), but it doesn’t help when you’re in the thick of it. The thing about each stage is that they are all harder AND easier in their own ways. I totally feel you on the wanting to say a giant F-U sometimes. I also can’t stand those friends who when you are venting feel the need to one up you. Like, “Oh man…Fern has been doing (or not doing) XY or Z lately! It’s been really rough.” and then having them reply with something about how they have it even worse because their kid does/doesn’t do XY or Z even more. It’s totally not helpful. We’re all allowed to vent sometimes, so just let us vent. Feel free to vent to me anytime :).
From what I’ve seen and read, two is hard because they can’t communicate as well as they’d like to and get angry. Three is harder because they CAN communicate significantly and do so. Two is terrible only because it’s alliterative. Three is the really tough year. I’m told four is only a bit better (some people I know call it the f’ing fours) but universally I’m told five is like flipping a switch – all of a sudden, you have you adorable baby back, but as a big kid (the thought of which nearly makes me cry).
What I’ve learned is to give a lot more advance warning about what we’re doing, when, why, etc (my son is almost 3 1/2). I also leave earlier to give time for stalling getting in the car, taking time to pick up leaves or point out clouds or whatever else he wants to talk talk talk about before we can actually get going where we need to go. I also learned to go with his flow a bit more. If I’m only in a rush because I want to get going but he wants to dawdle, I figure what’s the harm. I find that if I give in and say yes to things more often, he’s more willing to get going when I need him to because he’s learned (somewhat) that I don’t make us get going for no reason.
That was the hardest stage for Isabel too! It got better when she “found” our boundaries and learned where the borders are in what we have defined as our “sandbox.” It gets better! Hang in there. 🙂
I know the feeling of the almost 2 year old I’ve been dealing with my own and he just turned 2 last week and I haven’t taken him anywhere in the past month. I take him to tot time mon-fri and a friends house but that is it. I’m hoping he gets better soon, I hate going to the store at night.
Well i am barley starting to feel this frustration with mine. I dont know if she is starting early (shes 16months) but man these last few weeks have been so hard. Tantrums for days with this kid i feel like nothing i do makes her happy some times. Also she has started climbing and jumping off things and thinks its the funniest thing, but its not to me. i dont know when its going to get better i just hope it gets better sooner rather then later. sending lots of love and prayers for us all lol
YES.
My daughter is almost the same age as Fern (she turn 2 on 2/4), and I am definitely in a ‘treading water’ phase with her. Like Fern, she is also very verbal, but as you said – it doesn’t seem to help overall! My only strategy is to try to recharge as much as possible when she’s sleeping (which lately, doesn’t seem like enough!), and push all the non-essential tasks to the back burner. It’s basically like newborn survival stage again.
Good luck, mama! We’ll all make it through 🙂
This is everything I have been feeling recently! Kaya will be 2 on 1/18 and she has turned into a terror! She will look at me while doing something naughty and continue to do it while I’m telling her no…its so frustrating! She also goes through little disobedient waves throughout the day, she’ll be super feisty, then really sweet, then right back to the sass. Its hard to stay mad though because she’ll turn around and say “lub you, mama” and give me a hug 🙂
This stage really is SO rough. I remember saying to my mom a few times that I hope she’s teething or something because I really hope this isn’t just her personality :p But it does pass. My girl is 25 months right now, and she still has some rotten days or weeks, but mostly she’s a ball of fun. All you can do is try your best, and encourage her to express herself. Life with children gets so much easier (in my opinion) once these little people can just say what it is they want.
Thanks for sharing Venassa. My problem is that Fern is super verbal and DOES tell me what she wants most of the time, so I think it’s just her exerting her will at the moment. I dunno. Trying to take it in stride and hearing other moms who’ve gotten through it makes me feel better, so thanks.
Parenting toddlers can definitely be very difficult. For us, though, it hasn’t been too bad. Liam was a difficult baby and he went through a really rough stage around the time he turned one…but ever since 20 months or so he has grown so much and just been awesome. Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments! But for the most part I think we’re both in a good and comfortable place. Thank God! I also think I’m better at the toddler stage than the baby stage. My daughter is only 7 months and she’s a much easier baby than my son was but I still struggle with her because babies are just hard to read, lol. At least I think so anyway.