Too Busy for Motherhood

If any of you are Bible readers, then you may know the story of Mary and Martha. If not, here’s a quick summary: Jesus goes to the home of these two sisters, Mary and Martha. While he is there, Mary sits at his feet intently listening and soaking up everything Jesus has to say, while Martha is busying herself in the kitchen preparing the meal. Martha gets upset and complains to Jesus and tells him to make Mary help her, but Jesus says, “…Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Every time I read that story I feel super guilty, because I am a total Martha…like through and through. It is something I have always struggled with and probably always will. It’s not that I don’t care about people, it’s just that I have approximately 12 to-do lists running in my head at any given time and it takes all that I have to veer away from the lists. Must. Check. All. The. Boxes. Ducks must be in a row.

Before I had children, this wasn’t that big of a deal. I had plenty of free time to get my own stuff done without it encroaching into my time with my husband and my obsessive compulsive to-do lists didn’t really affect anyone but me. In fact I was often praised for this quality, because it made me dependable – the kind of person everyone could trust to follow through and get things done. But, now that I’m a mom I often find myself brushing off my children in favor of completing tasks…checking boxes.

Too Busy for Motherhood // @ The Little Things We Do

I’m a little OCD about having a tidy house, so it’s one area that is a real struggle for me. When my daughter wants me to make her Minnie Mouse doll talk with her Daniel Tiger figurine or play dress-up, I brush her off to make time for sweeping floors. Instead of sitting on the couch to coo at my baby boy during a moment when he’s awake and happy, I shuffle him off to his swing so I can pop in a load of laundry or pick up stray toys.  And while there’s nothing wrong with sweeping and doing laundry…in fact these things are necessary…the problem comes when I’m pushing aside my little ones to complete my to-do lists far more often than I’m actually sitting down to play with them or listen to their stories.

I’ve been reading the book, Loving the Little Years recently and this quote totally convicted me:

“So while your children are little, cultivate an attitude of sacrifice. Sacrifice your peace for their fun, your clean kitchen floor for their help cracking eggs, your quiet moment for their long retelling of a dream that a friend of theirs allegedly had. Prioritize your children far and away above the other work you need to get done. They are the only part of your work that really matters.” – Rachel Jankovic, Author of “Loving the Little Years”

Ouch. So often I forget that the most important job title I have is that of “Mom”. I may be a writer and a sometimes-stylist, homemaker, etc…but before any of that I am a mom and it is the most important job I will ever have.

I don’t want my kids to grow up and feel like I was never really present for them. I don’t want to miss out on this time we have and the things they have to say. I want to soak up every last freckle and mispronounced word and fluff of hair. Because when I am old and gray, I won’t remember the Pinterest-worthy meals I cooked, or the super clean hardwood floors and they certainly won’t remember either. They will remember a mom who sat down and colored with them and who took them on nature hunts in the backyard. I don’t want to put being the “organized, clean house mom” above simply being there and spending time with my kids. I don’t want to keep being too busy for motherhood.

It’s a work in progress for sure, but slowly and surely I am praying that God will change my heart and teach me how to love these little ones better…the best I possibly can. This motherhood business isn’t easy, but I’m taking it one day at a time…hoping that I can be better tomorrow than I was yesterday.

 

Love and motherhood,

Lauren

Comments

  1. Oh, Lauren, I can so relate – I’m a total “Martha” too! It’s not that I don’t want to pay attention to my children (or spouse…or friends) it’s that I actually feel physically better when I’m in motion, “doing stuff.” And I’ve also found that sometimes that motion can help me focus and pay attention if I am mindful about it. So I think I’ve found some peace with my Martha-ness by remembering that if you are aware of your tendencies (which it wounds like you are!) it doesn’t always have to be either/or. You can carry on a great conversation with a child while wiping a counter, or have them help you with the housework. I think real life just has to find a way to balance those things, because even if you aren’t Type A (which I’m totally not) there are still some things that just have to get done to maintain a peaceful, functional household (which is ALSO good for your family!)

    All this to say – I love that you shared this, I understand the struggle, but I hope you won’t beat yourself up about it too much! As the kids grow it will get easier and easier to involve them in your “busy-ness” in a way that feels good for ALL of you. For now, just do what you can 🙂

    • @Meagan – Thank you for that. It’s always good hearing your perspective since you’re the resident veteran on this mama stuff. I definitely need to find more ways to include them in my busy-ness :).

  2. This hits hard. My daughter just told me two days ago that I’m always working or cleaning and the guilt just killed me. She is right and then I read this. Must be a sign huh?

  3. This couldn’t have come at a better time! I am a working mom and this is so hard to avoid when I have 2 hours with my girl when I pick her up at the sitters and before bed. I have started to have her help me with chores like emptying the dishwasher. then she gets the idea of keeping things clean and we get a little time together.

  4. Mary Lybolt says:

    Wow, I can totally relate to you on that one! I am glad that you are here for those of us who still have a chance to be mom first, I always felt that I never had time to get my house cleaning done or other things done after I had my first child, of course when I first got married it was so easy to do and have plenty of time to relax, I put my child aside to clean and try and get things done, when I see mom’s who do everything with their children and have that” not so clean” house, it really saddens me, because I could have had time to teach my child her ABC’s or to just play with her, I take that back, I had the time, but sadly I chose other things to do.

  5. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! thank you!

  6. I don’t even have children and this resonates with me. I too tend to be a bit OCD and constantly have mental to do lists running through my head. But while a tidy house does make me happy, a lot of times my time could be spent better enjoying life and the people I love rather than wiping fingerprints off the stainless fridge. Thanks for the reminder and your honesty. Such a refreshing post!

  7. I think that last line says it all. If you can just try to be better tomorrow than yesterday (or let your mistakes from yesterday go), you’re doing your best. You’re totally not alone on this one, Mama! Apparently I’m a “Martha”, too. 😉

  8. Holy crap! I cannot believe how big your lil fella is getting already! Dang! What cute kids you have, Lauren. 🙂

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

  9. Michele Frazier says:

    Great post Lauren!!

  10. You and I were cut from the same cloth my dear.
    Your words are SUCH a good reminder and so. very. true. Sometimes I want to hang little reminders all over my house to stop worrying about The List and just be here with my littles.
    Thanks for writing this!

  11. I can totally relate to this. I’m trying to accept the fact that my house will never be the way it used to be and my to-do list will rarely get done.

  12. hard to not be martha, but always a good reminder to try.

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