When you’re a kid you want to be a grownup sooooo badly. You lament the ridiculousness of following your parents rules and can’t wait for the day when you’ll be a full-fledged grownup yourself so you can do awesome grownup things…like eating ice cream for dinner and staying up late and buying whatever you want.
Then you become a “grownup” and realize that grownups never really actually truly feel like grownups at all, and besides that grownups actually don’t really get to do whatever they want either. While being a real-life adult does come with a few privileges, it’s not quite as magical as what your childhood-self had envisioned. You probably can’t eat ice cream for dinner, because then you’d have to share with your kids and also now that you’re an adult you have to start caring about healthy eating. You can stay up late, but you’ll feel like death the next day, because your children will wake you up for various asinine reasons throughout the night. And you can’t buy whatever you want, because apparently money doesn’t grow on trees as your 7-year-old-self hypothesized and you are forced to spend money on things like diapers and Nose Fridas and other boring things for tiny people.
Despite the fact that I am 32 years old, have three children and a mortgage, there are still times when I feel like adulting is just way too hard. Like…who can even keep up with all of these grownup things that we are all supposed to just know how to do?!
Take a few days ago for example.
I give you Exhibit A: our coffee table of death.
We got this table when Fern was just a little baby and we were completely naïve to the dangers of clumsy children and furniture (it is a thing…a very real thing). It’s super cool…this antique factory cart-thing with cast iron (YES. CAST IRON.) wheels…and corners…and big sharp bolts sticking out. Super smart, right? What could possibly go wrong?!
Well, I give you Exhibit B: Clive…after he did some crazy pants maneuver and gashed his head on one of those bolts. Good times.Well, after calming him down and applying pressure I had to try and figure out how to take care of his wound (*side note: it ended up being really small and looked way worse than it actually was) and apparently all we have in this house are Avengers and cat bandaids. Aside from hydrogen peroxide, that is the extent of our “first aid kid” (I use that term first aid kit rather loosely since it’s really just bandaid boxes haphazardly shoved into a medicine cabinet).
I was able to scavenge some gauze, but we had no ace bandage to use as a wrap, so I ended up doing some janky first aid with one of Fern’s headbands and a hair tie. Super classy.
First aid kits are apparently one of those grownup things I did not get the memo about. Real grownups apparently stock their medicine cabinets with things they might need in an actual emergency. I need to get on this, because Lord knows this is not the last of Clive’s injuries. There will no doubt be more and those Avenger cat bandaids probably aren’t going to cut it.
This got me thinking about other grownup things that I should probably do, so I decided to make a list. Here it is in no particular order:
1. Vacuum the air vents in my house
Apparently this is a thing that people do. I had no clue until I had my house professionally cleaned. I marveled at the genius of this at the time. But have I done it since? Nope.
2. Use real napkins
I love the idea of using real napkins, but we don’t even use paper napkins. We just use paper towels. #theclassiest
3. Join Linkedin
I think this is something that everyone probably does so that they can be grownup and super profesh, but I have no clue about it aside from getting invites sent to my inbox at least once a week from random acquaintances.
4. Stop living out of laundry baskets.
But seriously. SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY.
5. Read/Watch the news
I am forever out of the loop with current events, because: kids/exhaustion.
6. Read books
I haven’t properly read a book from start-to-finish in YEARS. It’s abysmal. My attention span is zero, because I’m so busy thinking a million thoughts at all times of the day and I end up re-reading the same paragraph like 18x before finally giving up. There are literally SO many things to think about. Like today when I was trying to remember how long it had been since child #2 and child #3 had pooped, so I would know if I should be concerned and start force-feeding them prunes. This is my life…keeping track of everyone else’s poop schedules.
7. Learn how to maintain a yard.
Our yard is a disaster mostly, because I hate yard work and know nothing about growing anything. The only times it looks nice are when Craig gets so annoyed with it that he goes and makes it look nice. Neither of us enjoy yard work, but at least he knows how to do it.
8. Organize my pantry
My pantry looks like something exploded inside of it. Actually, pretty much most of my kitchen cupboards look that way. Perhaps this is surprising, because I’m kind of Type A, but the thing is, that I’m very selective about the ways in which I apply my Type A tendencies. If something is in a cupboard it is dead to me. I don’t have to think about it ever again…until I try to find the box of rice and a bunch of granola bars cascade onto my head.
9. Wear non-wrinkly clothes
Confession: I dug our iron out of the closet a couple of weeks ago to iron a vintage dress for Alice. It had not been unearthed in at least 4 years. When Fern saw it sitting on the counter she said, “Mom, what is that thing?” so pretty much I’m winning at domesticity and adulthood.
10. Carry extra tampons
I realize that tampons fall into the TMI category, but I mean, I cannot be the only one who never seems to have an extra one when I need it, right? You would think that after having to deal with Aunt Flo for the past 21 years, I would have a system on lock, but no. Every time it happens I’m caught high and dry like a 6th grade girl having her period for the first time.
Adulting is hard you guys.
What “adult things” do you feel like you need to get better at? Tell me I’m not the only one! Haha!