In the Thick of It

Those of you who have been reading this blog since my pre-parenting days may recall the rants of a former childless blogger (*ahem*…me) who swore to the high heavens that having babies would never change me or my lifestyle.

“Our kids will have to learn to adapt,” I said, and “We’ll teach them to act right in public places. Our kids won’t be like those other kids having tantrums at the trendy new restaurant.”

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I eye roll my former self so hard sometimes.

The thing about being a parent is that you can’t help but be changed by it, and as much as I have clung to those pre-parenting ideals at times, having a third baby this past year has completely thrown me for a loop and made me realize that this is just how life is. This phase of life where our home is filled with the rambunctious cacophony of young children is just what our life is now…for better or for worse.

In the Thick of It // via The Little Things We Do

I love my children to the moon and back, but I would be lying if I said that every moment was a joy. It isn’t…and I shouldn’t expect it to ever be.

Those impish little grins Alice flashes my way all day long and her precious little waves at passersby fill my heart with joy unending. Her occasional clinginess, and climbing of ALL THE THINGS…well…not so much. While I adore hearing Clive ask me a million questions each day in his deep, raspy, little voice (that I hope he never grows out of), trying to talk him down from one of his stubborn fits of rage exhausts me. And my sweet Fernie girl…I love watching her become a real little person with her own interests and a mind of her own. The sassy retorts that come with age five though, don’t exactly thrill me.

Having a third child has changed our life quite a bit and me personally as well. Trying to balance the needs, wants, desires, and hearts of so many people in one household is a lot and sometimes it overwhelms me. Honestly sometimes, the noise alone is enough to drive me to tears. It’s a lot of sensory input all the time…especially for an introvert.

This year has been a tough one for me, which is why my writing has slipped through the cracks. I have so missed pouring out my heart here in this little corner of the internet, but it has just seemed so low on the list of priorities with everything else on my plate. The fact is, I now have more children than I do hands and I have so many people depending on me for everything all day long that sometimes I get to the end of the day feeling like a marathon runner, hobbling across the finish line. There are days when I look in the mirror and barely recognize the aged and exhausted person I see looking back at me. I am in the thick of it right now…trudging through the muck. And I am tired (and frustrated/grumpy/sad/overwhelmed/etc…). A lot.

In the Thick of It // via The Little Things We Do

But, I’m still here. I’m figuring it out as I go. I don’t have all the answers and life isn’t always as pretty and put-together as it appears in Instagram squares, but it is still good. I have a roof over my head and a wonderful support system. I have a beautiful family whom I love immensely and who loves me back and we are all healthy. I don’t mean to complain…sometimes a girl just needs a good cathartic unloading of words, ya know?

Thanks for sticking around while I wade through the mess of real life. Thankful for all of you who take the time to read my words and share kind words. All the heart emojis.

 

xo

Lauren

Comments

  1. Marci Maz says:

    Hi Lauren, I have been following your blog since we both had only one child. I’m on my second one and I just wanted to thank you for the real words. Its tough, this thing called motherhood. And I’m glad your corner of the internet validated my feelings of feeling frustrated some days. Thank you!

  2. Loved this friend. And I so miss your blog posts! You’re such a talented writer. Happy Mother’s Day to one of the BEST moms I know (seriously). If your children ever annoy you, please drop them off at our house for a while. We love them to the moon and back, too. xoxo!

  3. Been following you since before my first was born and when Fern was just itty bitty (I found you while looking for cute baby outfits on Pinterest haha) and I now have three children myself. Three has been SO HARD. In a way, it hasn’t been hard because our third is so easy and sweet, but somehow the dynamic is so different and just… hard. I feel completely bedraggled and overwhelmed. I have to remind myself that this is probably the hardest part of parenthood. I appreciate your realness and I’m glad you’ve continued to share with all of us on Instagram!

  4. I’ve been following since you only had one. My two are the same age as your older two. Though I’d never give it up, there are some days that are SO hard and exhausting. My daughters’ pre school teacher read us a book called “Let Me Hold You Longer” at our Mother’s Day Tea and it helped me remember that so many things are their lasts. Like the last time you will hold Fern on your hip might not be too far away. All of the moms were crying by the end of it! I’m rooting for you and for a lovely day with your family where no one gets hurt or whines etc etc… And thank you for writing about real things. It gives me reassurance that this is what parenting is and that I’m not the only one having a hard time!

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